Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was my last roll. FML
Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML
Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML
Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TurtleSmile 14
That's too bad. Did you count all of them to make sure you didn't lose any?
deathpotato 11
A firm grip usually fixes that problem.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (188)
missjennjones 0
haha how funny xD
brookemurray17 5
That's what vacuums and the store are for.
pocoipoco 0
I was expecting a rain man moment there- disappointing.
Batmark 10
why did it take 20 minutes to pick up the toothpicks? 500 toothpicks really isn't a lot of toothpicks... if you picked them up one at a time then you would average 2.4 seconds handling each toothpick before moving on to the next toothpick, but if you picked them up in groups it would have gone a lot faster... unless you stopped every so often to spend a moment thinking about how clumsy you were to drop them in the first place. hopefully experience in toothpick clean-up paid off and the 2nd recovery of the picks went a lot faster.
tirc 34
murphy
pandamaster19 3
This should be a f* k my day not a fml
carabara09 11
The post above yours is about the movie Rain Man, I just lost it!!! Lol
allyciagutierrez 7
why didn't you sweep them all up??
flossingpancake 18
Fool me once OP