Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML
Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my nine year-old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML
Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML
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Top comments
klc20071989_fml 20
At least she knows her math!
ThomasBombadil 31
Don't cry over spilt milk OP.
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Comments (125)
buckdharma 37
I need two pints after reading this.
PresidentNorth 16
Warm milk does calm the nerves.
nannyRayRay 14
How old is this genius child of yours?!
Uglyfeet 23
Since the shop only had four pints, she should've taken two of them, instead of buying four and wasting two down the drain ;)
kittcatt 8
From the sounds of it you could purchase the milk in a 2 pint or 4 pint carton but not one pint cartons, like how in the US you can buy a gallon or half gallon of milk, so the daughter purchased the 4 pint carton and dumped out half of it. OP your daughter's name isn't Amelia Bedelia by any chance is it?
arandomusernameaa 20
#53 it is called sarcasm, you should learn to identify it better...
DreadfulBelle 3
You're daughter is gonna go places
agentcocotte 11
How old is she?
cna1216 15
You raised an idiot.
OhWhoCares 42
An idiot that knows math. :)
RageWolf16 31
First grade math. And I don't know about OP, but I wouldn't send a first grader to buy milk by herself, so I don't think that 4 - 2 counts as "knowing math".
TrinityNevada 11
My first thought: was she drunk or stoned? My second thought: she didn't want to run out and get milk for you and figured if she messed it up, you wouldn't ask her to do anything anymore.
Dcm210 19
This is why I can't have kids.
shannonchelsey 7
Is she a blondie?
Austino_yo 11
If it was Terry Crews he would be devastated. (Everybody hates Chris reference)