Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML
Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my nine year-old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML
Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML
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Top comments
klc20071989_fml 20
At least she knows her math!
ThomasBombadil 31
Don't cry over spilt milk OP.
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Comments (125)
ealovan 20
well in the end you got your milk
loganberrybat 11
Your daughter sounds awesome.
PhilSnake22 13
How is that awesome? She sounds like a complete moron actually.
loganberrybat 11
Sounds like a physical expression of sarcasm to me. To British people, sarcasm is funny.
hellnosucka 27
British people are special people.
loganberrybat 11
Yes, yes we are.
Ashamed_Sister 60
Yes, they are special, very special.
Ben009 13
You know what they say you can't fix stupid.
ealovan 20
well I mean she isn't a complete airhead because she knew half of 4 pints was 2
RageWolf16 31
If she's old enough to buy milk by herself, basic subtraction is kind of expected already
Brianna_Ray 23
At least you still have the amount you need! :p
Kamon97 23
Got milk?
ThomasBombadil 31
Nicely done #17.
imlifeless2 25
yes, but only 50% worth.
amisenho 11
More like 2% (or 1% if she thinks she's fat).
mt631 18
not the brightest bulb is she?
Ki11erC 18
She did exactly as told.
sweetprettykitty 10
She's what you could call special.
WizzleMan17 11
Anyone else wondering why this is labeled intimacy?
ksks1234 33
To some people, milk is a very intimate thing.
gracehi 31
You've just inspired me to create an awesome new super hero! "Literal Girl!"
dachayke 16
I still like SuperJerk better.
dachayke 16
I see no one got my Cyanide and Happiness reference. Oh well.
amisenho 11
Too late! "The Literals" from "The Amanda Show" already beat you to it. It's a family that takes everything that everyone says literally.
weveallbeenthere 30
you got what you asked for, hahahahahahaha