Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML
Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, my nine year-old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML
Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML
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Top comments
klc20071989_fml 20
At least she knows her math!
ThomasBombadil 31
Don't cry over spilt milk OP.
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Comments (125)
blackonblight 32
Looks like Captain Literal strikes again.
vickostojanovic 0
Maybe it was just too heavy for her to carry.
ashleyylove3 22
Congratulations, you've raised an idiot.
Luluthus 41
I can't figure out if she is a genius, who is trying to make you get your own milk i the future, or if she is the opposite of a genius.
TheMystery13 13
Your daughter is either a complete idiot or a genius prankster.
LoneBooker88 16
well, at least she can do math
jessi2631 10
Well, you did only ask for two pints
polarbearpiss 15
well it was ur fault, why didnt u do it urself
96isntassexyas69 20
kids... you gotta love them.
mastatheif 8
How old is your stupid daughter?