Miscellaneous: Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently,...

By Anonymous - 24/02/2011 10:34 - United States

Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently, he's going to a concert with my step-mom all evening. It's been their plan for months. Friday is my birthday. That's been set since the day I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 164

You deserved it 7 028

Miscellaneous

A very compassionate defence…

Pissed

Rulers of the world

By HiRveryone - 05/03/2018 19:08 - United States - Centre

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 902

You deserved it 369

By Anon - 08/04/2016 22:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 180

You deserved it 1 950

By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 050

You deserved it 1 859

By newbffswelcome - 04/08/2013 18:07 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 755

You deserved it 4 655

By ducky2721 - 02/01/2010 13:46 - United States

Today, while working my overnight shift, I went into the isolation room to find some items for a former client. The door fell shut and the magnetic lock went to work. Both unit telephones and my cell phone were lying on the desk, and I waited four hours for my supervisor to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 606

You deserved it 4 815

By dumbwifehappylife - 12/02/2014 01:37 - United States - Woodbine

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 050

You deserved it 4 922

By the next james herriot - 10/09/2013 23:30 - United States - Laurel

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 453

You deserved it 3 081

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 06:24 - France

Today, I signed my own plaster-cast to make people believe that I actually have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 7 671

By problems - 19/10/2014 03:03 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 424

You deserved it 3 035

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 645

You deserved it 5 424

TMI FML

By Anonymous - 03/08/2014 17:36 - Sweden - Kristianstad

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 029

You deserved it 4 415

By Anonymous - 09/04/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 251

You deserved it 216

By unacceptable - 04/06/2012 15:02 - Australia

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 226

You deserved it 2 731

By nicknick2 - 18/05/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 972

You deserved it 3 896

By Anonymous - 29/07/2016 19:30 - United States

Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 590

You deserved it 1 581

By str3tch - 03/04/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression I was as polite as possible and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 764

You deserved it 3 368

By notsofriendly - 06/11/2014 20:15 - United States - Austin

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 727

You deserved it 7 784

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 17:48 - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 486

You deserved it 3 416

By unicornlovet - 14/08/2019 18:00

Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 103

By crash - 22/05/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 144

You deserved it 8 884

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 16:42 - United States

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 732

You deserved it 5 630

Great parenting

By Shawn Kotris - 17/06/2021 11:01

Today, my kids' mother, who has been absent and living in a different state for over 12 years, sent a children services worker to my house with a long list of allegations, even though she's 25k behind in support, rather than try to build a normal relationship with her kids in any kind of healthy way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 55

By scottyboy - 01/10/2016 07:58

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 529

You deserved it 1 644

By Anonymous - 19/09/2016 17:29 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 749

You deserved it 851

By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 15:05 - United States - Fishers

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 794

You deserved it 1 931

By Anonymous - 30/09/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 940

You deserved it 28 294

By jacobscrackers - 01/08/2010 18:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 844

You deserved it 5 859

Pissed

By pl. - 03/06/2021 21:59

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 137

By ShouldveStayedAVirgin - 13/01/2016 18:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 778

You deserved it 6 994

By Anonymous - 21/06/2016 23:24 - United States - Winder

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 473

You deserved it 1 071

By stewardess - 03/10/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 12 384

By AtLeastIGetOvertime - 02/08/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my supervisor if I could take a week off next month to go visit family. He laughed and said, "That's funny, I've put you down for extra time that week, so you can cover my shifts while I go to Spain!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 161

By rebekah - 03/04/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462 086

You deserved it 76 879

By Umlungu23 - 18/02/2019 00:00

Today, during my lunch break, I sat on the manager's chair. As I sat down, I heard a snapping sound and I ended up on the floor. Everyone now calls me "the lumpy girl" who broke the manager's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 417

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 04:00

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 295

By jodibut - 06/02/2012 16:18 - United States

Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 644

You deserved it 8 019

By Sack - 10/11/2011 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 388

You deserved it 6 058

By Anonymous - 14/10/2018 03:00

Today, I actually said the words "yes, a blowjob from a guy is still cheating" to my husband. I never thought that would be a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 381

You deserved it 285

By sicufovoshxbsjdk - 07/08/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 226

You deserved it 2 598

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 23:07 - Canada

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 247

You deserved it 109 533

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Top comments

Lisa89 3

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:21

I don't see the issue. The concerts are only on specific days, if it was something they really wanted to see, Friday would be the only day they could go. Why can't his parents go to the concert and celebrate OPs birthday all day on the Saturday? If this was me in this situation I'd let them go to their concert and just suggest we go out for dinner the next day or any time that weekend to celebrate my birthday. And not bitch about it on FML. OP, get over it.

hiloman500 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:05

really? I wouldn't have guessed...

ilovemunro 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:05

Wow, that is so f'd up. How can you parent do that ? FYL

thatonename 7

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

piiing 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:28

some people love their family, and aren't douche bags like you. plus, they give you presents.

lionheart822 13

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Thursday 24 February 2011 20:03

my philosophy on this is if you're old enough to know what "FML" means then you're old enough to stop crying about your parents forgetting your birthday. just go out and hang out with your friends OP.

freddyisepic 2

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Thursday 24 February 2011 20:44

^ true

mentalhotdog 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 21:02

if they have any

flawedgenius 6

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Thursday 24 February 2011 21:09

Meal with parents/other relatives in decent restaurant... I wouldn't want to go to the same concert as my parents...

Lucidium 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 21:50

step mums are evil

Temi25 6

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Thursday 24 February 2011 22:13

your really attention seeking

sneakysnake 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 22:31

OP, at least you have a birthday

Mapholisto 7

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Thursday 24 February 2011 23:06

Hahah, how I wish my family viewed it like that. I would love to not celebrate my birthday. Instead, I argue with my family for the month prior to my birthday about how I'd like it if we didn't, and them calling me selfish and all sorts of stuff because I don't want them to waste the time and the money. And, even when I'm moved out and married here in a bit, they still insist that they'll be getting me things and taking me out to dinner and whatnot. So, you see, it's a big deal for some people. And wanting to spend some time with your family on your birthday does not seem terrible to wish for. This isn't quite an "FML" moment, but it is still sad, I think.

jvillan87 5

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Friday 25 February 2011 3:47

uh...you don't?

VorpikeII 17

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Friday 25 February 2011 4:22

lol. just remind them starting like 15 days b4. that's what I do lol. anyways, how do u know there not planning u a suprise party?

mushysquirrel 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 7:33

#12 haha good question...

kdig26 0

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Friday 25 February 2011 13:41

someone has a stick shoved up their ass this morning...

xoxilovesoccerxo 0

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Friday 4 March 2011 3:58

maybe its a surprise party ... wait for it op

Magex 12

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Saturday 20 August 2011 2:04

I've known what FML means since I was 8

hiloman500 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:05

really? I wouldn't have guessed...

NJXD 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:07

what a dick

prettypinkpixie 9

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Thursday 24 February 2011 19:07

It sucks that he seemed to forget your birthday. But just because it's your birthday doesn't mean he can't have plans of his own.

MusicXisXii 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 20:35

or, maybe he doesn't CARE.

IStoleTheCookies 16

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Thursday 24 February 2011 20:58

or maybe he thinks OP is old enough to not wanna hang out with them on his/her birthday because they are old enough to make their own plans and maybe have some fucking friends to do something with. maybe OP needs to grow some balls and get a life and stop clinging onto his/her daddies hand.