Love: Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple...

By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 697

You deserved it 810

Love

The smell detective is on the case

Leave us alone

This Charming Man

By expassword - 17/12/2010 00:20 - United States

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 035

You deserved it 3 709

By imustbegay - 09/05/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 249

You deserved it 10 357

By batgirl - 20/11/2008 12:55 - France

Today, I get to see my boyfriend again after a month. So I decided to shave my pubic hair in the shape of a heart. After my little striptease, he gasped in admiration "Aaaw, Batman sign!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 118

You deserved it 16 089

By LG - 17/03/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I found out that I will be spending my spring break alone because my family is going to France. I can't go with them nor go with any of my friends because I have to take care of the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 592

You deserved it 4 125

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 01/03/2020 18:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. It didn't go well since unfortunately he’s the guy I had to remove from the club I’m the bouncer at, and had to report to the police for getting drunk, stroking himself over his pants and taking photos in the ladies toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 98

By gimpy - 23/06/2016 15:00 - United States - Panama City

Today, I was carrying my coffee from the kitchen to the coffee table and couch. Last week I had ACL surgery, so I'm on crutches. Unfortunately, I got the urge to sneeze on my walk to the couch. I didn't make it to the couch before I sneezed and spilled coffee everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 154

You deserved it 1 216

By Elrond Hubbard - 24/01/2015 19:25 - United States

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 970

You deserved it 2 595

Partaaaaaaaay !

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 23:01 - Germany

Today, being unemployed and under lockdown, my idea of a party is driving to the dentist and turning the sound system up in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 703

You deserved it 10 049

By thedogkisser - 06/06/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 077

You deserved it 84 052

By lohandork - 22/05/2016 17:33 - United Kingdom - Roehampton

Today, a motorist yelled at me for texting and driving. I was too ashamed to admit that I'd been admiring the bogey I'd just picked from my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 147

You deserved it 11 076

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 23:14 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I planned a romantic movie night. Champagne, popcorn, romantic comedy. Then his friend decided to show up and they've been talking about 1st generation Pokémon ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 642

You deserved it 5 808

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 477

You deserved it 6 169

By silkytaco - 17/02/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 093

You deserved it 44 312

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 614

You deserved it 2 396

Golden child

By Dina - 15/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 80

By loner - 12/02/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 577

You deserved it 4 183

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out my mom booked me a flight to stay with relatives who I don't like, and who don't like me. I leave in two days, and don't return until the day before school starts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 123

By queenxalee - 11/11/2013 23:58 - United States - Orange

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 050

You deserved it 4 311

By liynda - 06/05/2011 01:49 - Canada

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 019

You deserved it 15 531

By CrappyLuck - 04/08/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 764

You deserved it 4 237

By poolboy - 23/07/2012 04:28

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 223

You deserved it 2 788

Too Much Information

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 11:02

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 144

By jwolt92 - 25/10/2016 02:27 - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, I felt something wet and warm on my arm. I looked down and saw a kid with his mouth attached to my arm. Didn't expect that out of a third grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 550

You deserved it 692

By MexyBoy - 13/08/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 769

You deserved it 6 573

By notakeeper - 03/01/2014 03:50 - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 995

You deserved it 4 645

By Anonymous - 14/05/2018 05:00

Today, I went to a guy's dorm for the first time. He told me to wait outside for a minute because he had to "clean something up" first. When I told him I'm 420 friendly, he said, "Nah I just came on my desk earlier and didn't feel like wiping it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 742

You deserved it 682

By Tea_baggins - 06/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 264

You deserved it 19 703

Good one, dude

By Directionally challenged - 11/04/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss's way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 126

You deserved it 8 330

By cay - 30/01/2013 19:59 - United States - Holley

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 235

You deserved it 3 235

By Kay - 23/02/2010 20:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was looking down at my chest and noticed the hairs growing upon it. For a 16 year old, it's pretty impressive. It's a shame that I'm a girl though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 433

You deserved it 3 294

By My_Name_Is_Zach - 23/07/2012 03:48

Today, my neighbor called me on vacation to tell me that she let my mother into my house to feed my fish. I don't have fish, and my mother passed away 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 526

You deserved it 2 536

By Scarlet - 09/08/2016 18:01

Today, after calling my bank to see where my paycheck was, and waiting on hold for my entire lunch break, my boss told me she forgot to submit my deposit. I was relying on that money to pay for lunch today as I used all I had for bills. Looks like I eat tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 614

You deserved it 1 128

By brazo667 - 09/02/2015 23:07 - United States - Fort Stewart

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 474

You deserved it 5 773

By bananagurl4242 - 16/07/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, my friends told me all five of us should bring sleeping bags on our field trip; I brought mine only to find out they had told me that so they would get the four beds to themselves. They all 'forgot' to bring them and its only fair that I should sleep on the floor. We are here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 090

You deserved it 4 440

By Alaska - 29/10/2015 03:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 807

You deserved it 2 499

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 20:00

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 384

You deserved it 801

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 134

You deserved it 5 565

"Based on your purchase history…"

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 20:02

Today, in the break room at work, I was looking through my email on my phone about my Amazon orders. There was a suggested product that looked like a dildo. I turned around to see my boss behind me glancing at my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 243

By Anonymous - 12/06/2009 06:39 - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 696

You deserved it 11 164

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Top comments

Googolman 29

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:06

That's just not right.

Tripartita 44

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:05

And here you were, thinking that "I'm left handed. Will you go out with me?" would be an irresistible pickup line.

engineerosaurus 26

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:02

Probably a good thing. She's super judgmental and superstitious if she would reject you for that. Just the type of crazy you want to avoid.

Tripartita 44

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:05

And here you were, thinking that "I'm left handed. Will you go out with me?" would be an irresistible pickup line.

Googolman 29

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:06

That's just not right.

PaolaBlack 7

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Thursday 24 November 2016 6:32

This was beautiful.

Emma1562 35

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:07

What does being left handed have to do with it?

Lalala579121 27

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Thursday 24 November 2016 5:57

That's pretty much the point of the FML. Well done, #4.

Doctor_W_H_O 18

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Thursday 24 November 2016 17:33

A lot of religious people look down at lefties

derpina72 23

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Friday 25 November 2016 2:22

I can't remeber the reason exactly, but I THINK it's got something to do with lefthanded being translated as sinister? I dunno, all I know is, my dad is left handed and was raised as a super strict Catholic, so he finally got fed up one day, and well, now he's learned to be ambidextrous.

socialproduct 19

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:19

You'll leave that part out next time? Why did you include it the first time? Seems kind of irrelevant.

ThatGuyTj 3

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:23

She probably asked what his dominant hand is

Googolman 29

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:32

Or she could have just seen which hand he used more often. It's not that hard to figure out what someone's dominant hand is.

kristinjeaneen 21

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:20

Who turns someone down for being left-handed? My boyfriend of 4 and a half years is left-handed. Probably just wanted an excuse to turn you down.

ThatGuyTj 3

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:21

There goes my chances with her ever in my life hahaha ??

gracehi 31

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:34

Well, you know what they say about left-handed guys, right? ... They always have ink on their hand. No wonder she didn't want to date you. Inky hand. Ew.

Wutdafuqq 24

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:37

Hey us left-handed devil worshipping guys deserve some love too!

lunalane 16

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Friday 25 November 2016 3:41

Same with us females too

FalloutScrolls 25

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Thursday 24 November 2016 1:52

As a left handed man who has held down a marriage for more than 9 years, I can conclude one thing for you, OP. She may have been drunk when she said "I do" and has been too lazy to file for divorce ever since. It can be done! I'm proof!