Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I finally caught the person who has now and again been stealing my lunch at work for weeks. It was my boss. I awkwardly watched him eat my sandwich while he talked about how he's been "saving money by bringing food from home." FML
Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, after I packed my lunch last night and put it in the fridge, I grabbed my bag and left for work. At lunchtime, I opened it and found an empty container. I'd packed the container but left the food in the fridge. FML
Today, I knew my coworker was stealing my lunch, so I made a sandwich with tons of incredibly spicy peppers. He took a bite, shrieked in pain, and ran off sobbing. Unfortunately, he was also in an emergency meeting with an important client, so now my whole department looks like a bunch of morons. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, there's a food thief in our office who manages to steal from the fridge without being caught, and everyone keeps blaming me, probably because I’m the fattest. I have a gastric band and can only eat a few mouthfuls before being full, but still people think I’m stealing entire bags of food. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, a coworker threw my lunch in the trash. They'd just got back from holidays, and I use the same containers they do. My leftovers "looked like something they'd eat", so they thought it was something they'd forgotten before going on holidays. It was leftovers that I'd been spacing out, trying to make last till payday. FML
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Top comments
evanvoss 20
Step 1: Poison your lunch Step 2: Take his position Step 3: Profit
UsagiArwen 23
This would be the part where I'd have to sit down with my boss and have a serious conversation. Because that's a load of crap on your boss's part.
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Comments (85)
Scorpio1691 29
Why complain. That is why laxatives were invented.
NickyB85 14
Make a dog food sandwich
an_awkward_day 11
Laxatives
XxGaLaXy_HiTzxX 14
Put a ghost pepper in that bitch and watch him burn. Literally. After that, you would for sure teach the person who ever took your lunch again, a valuable lesson.
CarouselHeart 11
Spike your lunch with laxatives. I can guarantee he'll never touch it again.
EvilLittleMan 23
Create yummy brownies loaded with Ex-Lax and wait for the shit storm to happen.
False_Stupidity 42
Make sure to include a small pack of sugar free gummy bears in your future lunches, as a treat.
tnebert 8
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You, 58, have just won the internets.
Witchylady 18
So did you yell at him. I don't know how someone can steal someone else's lunch and then when they are caught pretend they didn't realise it wasn't theirs.
Baron_Kaz 15
Report the matter to HR, and your boss will not be able to write you up in the future because then you will be able to say "that's retaliation"
Kevinmeowbeanz 22
Sounds like something that would happen to George in Seinfeld