Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally caught the person who has now and again been stealing my lunch at work for weeks. It was my boss. I awkwardly watched him eat my sandwich while he talked about how he's been "saving money by bringing food from home." FML
Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
Today, after I packed my lunch last night and put it in the fridge, I grabbed my bag and left for work. At lunchtime, I opened it and found an empty container. I'd packed the container but left the food in the fridge. FML
Today, I knew my coworker was stealing my lunch, so I made a sandwich with tons of incredibly spicy peppers. He took a bite, shrieked in pain, and ran off sobbing. Unfortunately, he was also in an emergency meeting with an important client, so now my whole department looks like a bunch of morons. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, there's a food thief in our office who manages to steal from the fridge without being caught, and everyone keeps blaming me, probably because I’m the fattest. I have a gastric band and can only eat a few mouthfuls before being full, but still people think I’m stealing entire bags of food. FML
Today, I have been victimised by a lunch thief at work for months, despite numerous complaints to management, so I exposed the thief by lacing my curry with that old classic, laxatives. Even though my coworker was caught brown-handed shitting himself, I was the one suspended for making him sick. FML
Today, a coworker threw my lunch in the trash. They'd just got back from holidays, and I use the same containers they do. My leftovers "looked like something they'd eat", so they thought it was something they'd forgotten before going on holidays. It was leftovers that I'd been spacing out, trying to make last till payday. FML
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Top comments
evanvoss 20
Step 1: Poison your lunch Step 2: Take his position Step 3: Profit
UsagiArwen 23
This would be the part where I'd have to sit down with my boss and have a serious conversation. Because that's a load of crap on your boss's part.
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Comments (85)
Vanderdale 14
DON'T put laxatives in your lunch as others have been suggesting. Even if it is your own food, if you put laxatives in it with the knowledge it will be eaten by another and with the intent that it will cause them gastric distress, that is a chargeable criminal offense. I would recommend tabasco sauce or chilli sauce or something of the like because then you get the plausible deniability that you just like hot food.
antdbzb 10
Maybe i need the laxatives becuase I have been having.... issues. It's not my fault he took my lunch without asking.
KryssLB 14
Someone was eating lunches at my work too (ate my garlic fingers I specifically left in there so my family wouldn't eat them, the bastard) so the next time I had to leave food in there, I left a note on top of my chili: "I spat in the chili. And I licked the bun. Also I have a cold. Hands off my lunch!" Then I left a nice, distinct little gob of spit on top of the chili, gave the bun a giant, slow lick in front of everyone, loudly announced to everyone in the lunchroom what I had just done and why, and stuck it in the fridge with my name on it. Come lunch time, it was still there, untouched. >:D
moodyreallyrocks 27
Ask him if he was enjoying it, because you'd enjoy him buying you your lunch!!
yerawizardlizzy 27
Buy an insulated lunch bag and a freezer pack and keep it in your desk drawer. That's what I do when I bring my lunch.
mylonius 19
Time for HR
Bonafonte 24
I hope it didn't have the last Thanksgiving Turkey on it, Ross, I mean OP!
Bonngoo 34
"That potato salad took us three weeks to make. THREE WEEKS!!"
Tomryan279 10
Start billing him for lunch or stop bringing your lunch.
Inkoseh 33
Tell him right then and there to stop. Tell HR about the incident and all prior incidents, especially now that you know who's doing it. If he does it again, report again and this time make it a formal one. You should ask for back funding for all lunches that have been stolen.
capnjacksparrow 7
Put ghost peppers in it next time. He won't have to wait for hell, he can burn now. Or at least his mouth can.
SixthSinEnvy 39
Might I suggest a Carolina Reaper, instead?
andrmac 25
Cat food sandwich!
samlovesham1234 9
Yes, just what I was gonna suggest!