By HkxAliso0302 - China - Beijing

News from China

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1650

You deserved it

172

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Walk on the wild side

There's no helping some people

Innocent

By aintgotnoteeth

Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11238

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1129

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45858

You deserved it

4474

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By AtLeastThereWasAParamedic

Today, I was walking on the sidewalk near my house when a car pulled out of a parking spot in front of a speeding ambulance. The ambulance swerved up onto the grass. Yes, I broke my arm after being hit by an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7826

You deserved it

416

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11725

You deserved it

1019

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, at my retail job, I tried on one of our hats. My co-worker told me I shouldn't because I could get lice. I laughed it off and told her I didn't believe her. Man, do I believe her now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18504

You deserved it

8486

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By Spatch - United States

Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45126

You deserved it

3250

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By coral - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53528

You deserved it

12358

Favorite

By thwack - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22005

You deserved it

3966

Favorite

By nickw177 - United States

Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14254

You deserved it

20665

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By Steph - Bulgaria

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58198

You deserved it

3251

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By Anon - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56453

You deserved it

5177

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By Chris - France

Today, the windows on my car were frozen. I filled up a bucket of hot water, and threw it on the windows. The windows cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8669

You deserved it

82418

Favorite

By bigjohn106 - United States

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44597

You deserved it

3188

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By ShakeRattleHiss - Canada

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35107

You deserved it

4715

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42097

You deserved it

3957

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By Nxydolli - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20125

You deserved it

56284

Favorite

By romance sucks. - United States - Spencer

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50553

You deserved it

3935

Favorite

By Camera - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31336

You deserved it

2163

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45405

You deserved it

6791

Favorite

By crappingrapping - United States

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30183

You deserved it

43705

Favorite

By OhNo. - United States

Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37930

You deserved it

13654

Favorite

By whale14

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1814

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By Graham Watson

Today, I'm currently in hospital with a painful and swollen Achille's heel problem. I was dreaming of running down stairs. I then tripped on one, and as I whacked my foot on the stairs in my dream, I also raised my foot and whacked it on the end of the hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1497

You deserved it

157

Favorite

By Discouraged - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34537

You deserved it

3493

Favorite

By thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - United States - Arlington

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28968

You deserved it

1633

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By cAPITOLpORN - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, my grandmother ripped her pants. We all got a big view of her pink thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26174

You deserved it

2195

Favorite

By Indianagirl94 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27516

You deserved it

3337

Favorite

By professionalmedicineman - United States - Arlington

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I forgot the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "medicine man". FML

I agree, your life sucks

13019

You deserved it

2889

Favorite

By mollyeyers - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38837

You deserved it

3496

Favorite

By 6boss - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29920

You deserved it

4688

Favorite

By brokenatthebar - United States - Carleton

Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4696

You deserved it

299

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By illenram06 - Philippines

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48686

You deserved it

6675

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By Anonymous - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5755

You deserved it

271

Favorite

By FirmlyInEngland - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41134

You deserved it

5534

Favorite

By Speechless - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, during an exam, the guy next to me tried to cheat by looking at my test but was caught by the proctor. His defense was that no one would ever cheat off me. The proctor agreed and allowed him to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38447

You deserved it

6276

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mendham

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35794

You deserved it

2374

Favorite

By thanksbaby - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45902

You deserved it

11530

Favorite

By PJ - United States

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16476

You deserved it

34986

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

42185

You deserved it

180570

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my mom told me I couldn't be best man at my best friend's wedding. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4115

You deserved it

505

Favorite

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Top comments

By malicemassacre | 17

#7887160 - Wednesday 4 March 2020 6:16

He is in China... corna virus people! It’s an epidemic for sure and it’s spreading to the United States.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7887053 - Tuesday 3 March 2020 19:09

The corovirus....It's been around for months and you didn't know?

COMMENTS

By distortedcognition | 17

#7887046 - Tuesday 3 March 2020 18:47

What epidemic?

Mathalamus | 24

#7887053 - Tuesday 3 March 2020 19:09

The corovirus....It's been around for months and you didn't know?

jbuckets_404 | 38

#7887104 - Tuesday 3 March 2020 22:52

Coronavirus COVID-19.

katydid91 | 31

#7887133 - Wednesday 4 March 2020 3:37

Are you being sarcastic or do you live under a rock?

By PlagueofFiction | 19

#7887097 - Tuesday 3 March 2020 22:19

I know the feeling, but not because of the same reasons...

By Itsheragain | 9

#7887150 - Wednesday 4 March 2020 5:17

please elaborate.

By malicemassacre | 17

#7887160 - Wednesday 4 March 2020 6:16

He is in China... corna virus people! It’s an epidemic for sure and it’s spreading to the United States.

HkxAliso0302 | 7

#7997591 - Monday 31 May 2021 4:56

Actually I am a girl....

Alan | 53

#7997629 - Monday 31 May 2021 9:56

Hey HkxAliso0302, I changed the gender of the FML.

Coming back to this FML now in 2021, it's amazing how most people were not aware of what was going to happen next (me included).