Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML
Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML
Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML
Today, I work at a doggy day care. Employees are not allowed to leave the dogs unsupervised for any reason. So while I was alone in a yard, my stomach decided that it would be the perfect time to empty itself. Because I didn’t want to lose my job, I puked in front of everyone. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML
Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML
Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML
Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML
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Top comments
Krirn 21
They weren't seeing dogs, they were just bored.
dude1122332 9
50 points a kill, you'll prestige in no time!
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Comments (194)
perdix 31
I'm ratting you out to the Imaginary SPCA! Ironically, they hire real thugs to punish dog abusers.
ByronJess 17
...ASPCA...?
perdix 31
Yes, the Imaginary one, not the American one. SPCA is the generic name for the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, and the first A specifies the American one. Did this make my comment funny somehow?
s0ulslack 20
Any imaginary bites?
ohrlly7457 7
You sick bastard
22cute 17
I admire your courage! Actually it's very touching that you would go through with that for the sake of your patients. You did a great kindness to those crazy old people - you defended their dignity as human beings. Kudos!
holeyman 8
Someone put acid in the mashed potatoes again...
22cute 17
Acid would dissolve mashed potatoes. And it would taste sour.
jaylo1427 4
Wtf How would u known that it would taste sour?!??
22cute 17
All acids have a sour taste: acetic acid, citric acid, even hydrochloric acid -provided you can taste it before it eats your tongue away.
PrincessPesa 20
I think he's talking about a more -ahem- psychedelic kind of acid, 22cute.
holeyman 8
Someone put acid in the mashed potatoes again...
mtcaliber 2
Guess they should call you the... "Invisible michael vick" ba dum tss
flockz 20
wow that joke was *puts on sunglasses* terrible.
ophel1a 7
FYL? no way, i wish i could get paid to do that! i'd be hamming it up!
datguy5 13
You just know they were pulling a prank.
sophie22_fml 8
This reminds me of the movie patch Adams and the squirrel scene, so cute