By halliemarie1818 - 24/04/2013 02:01 - United States

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks 88 462
You deserved it 4 660

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

iLike2Teabag 27

You out that cow through a lot. Talk about tearing it a new one...

No one deserves to experience that. FYL (was it like opening a can of coke that had been shook?)

Comments

iLike2Teabag 27

You out that cow through a lot. Talk about tearing it a new one...

karpoi 11

I do not understand what you are trying to say...

Slothapus 7

Wow that must have been bullshit.

phantumgrey 6

OP tore him a new a-hole!!

Laurenluvz 11

94, if you don't plan on using the actual word, don't swear at all. No ones going to hate you. I don't like swearing. It just makes you seem like you're innocence is stopping you from trying to be more open with your words. It's just my opinion though.

Don't be an a hole. That will get you straight to h-e- double hockey sticks.

#133, I was having a bad day but your comment made me laugh :)

nesteremily 31

I can't stop laughing at these comments

It is a calf, not a cow.

Is that the cow equivalent of having a cleft lip? :P I feel so sorry for the poor cow! Must have been painful!

mimiminx 23

No it's the cattle equivalent to an imperforate anus - the same as human medicine. A cleft lip is at the other end of the animal and in no way similar. *face palm*

I do know that it is the other side of the body. It was a joke, albeit a rather rubbish one. Which I apologise for. :P

That reminds me... when i was at the hospital for surgery, they placed me in a room shared with a baby who was born without a butt. I dont remember it, but apparently they cheered when the baby finally pooped

Just thought I should share

14 - The location on the body is kind of right there in the name...cleft 'lip'...

\ 28

#2 apologized for his failed attempt at humor and still received thumbs-down. FML is a cold, cold community. :(

thejimler 9

Better than having it pop.

that sounds terrible! poor thing :( ..the animal, of course

Both actually! :(

RpiesSPIES 27

I think the only FML for OP is that she bought a calf with that defect... It's the calf that must go through the pain of constipation and whatever means OP used to carve out a hole... Cringed just saying that last bit. Also, I'm assuming because the FML says 'got' and doesn't specify between it being given birth by her cow or being purchased.

Pretty sure it was born at their farm... You can't separate a calf from its mother immediately.

Diarrhea can be hard to spell, I have trouble with it sometimes.

Oops that comment was supposed to go to 3, it got sent here for some reason

No one deserves to experience that. FYL (was it like opening a can of coke that had been shook?)

bamagrl410 31

Not only is this the saddest FML I've ever read, it also involves horrible mental images like this one. Poor calf =(

ElementaryEdGuy 18

Oh God. Why did you say that. Barf.

crazytwinsmom 25

Only if the calf had been running around.

I actually really laughed at this rather than being grossed out. BOMBS AWAY!! *slit* *PLPLPBLAPBLAP*

Oh my god that killed me ^

Why would you do that DX Thanks, 5 for putting that image in my head

Look at the positive side.......you saved someone's life!! :D

imkool136 22

Sorry to burst you bubble but that cow will eventually end up being hand burger meat eventually

Hamburger* and chances are it will be a veal cutlet or dairy cow

I love hand burgers

tj5810 21

Thanks to OP.

Elfkid21 19

i think you mean hole-less cow..

karpoi 11

Fuck the calf's life!!! It must suck to be constipated for that long.

Especially since it had only been born. Poor thing probably didn't have a clue what was going on. D:

Well I'm sure that the calf will now be forever grateful that you provided him with a butt hole in his time of need.

... for the few months that constitute forever for a calf ...

My question is: won't the hole just seal itself back up, since it isn't technically an orifice made by the body? Won't OP have to do this a good few more times?

Hiimhaileypotter 52

#24- OP said the hole WAS there, but was sealed up by skin. I'm hoping it won't regrow. :(

Shouldn't regrow as long as the asshole is present, like any piercing

24-not necessarily. As long as op keeps the cut tissue clean(most likely by applying antibiotic ointment) the cuts should just heal over and leave the calfs anus open so it can pass waste. Usually, when that happens, it's just a very thin flap of skin-it may not have even bled :)

This can actually happen to human babies too. It's called an imperforate anus. But everyone's right, once they opened it, so long as it heals nicely it should be fine!

Good on you for helping the calf :)

Your profile picture totally matches the tone of this FML

sinn3r76 9

That's a shitty situation to be in