Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
You out that cow through a lot. Talk about tearing it a new one...
Jakeymd 9
No one deserves to experience that. FYL (was it like opening a can of coke that had been shook?)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (121)
suckceed 17
**** the Calf's more like it! You did a good deed, saved an animal a great deal of pain and earned good Karma.
PhishloverA 14
Ouch. Sucks to be you and the calf
sythe511 28
Let me know if you can break my record of not taking a dump for a whole week. (Thanks to high altitude constipation)
dvsguy 3
Why is this a FML? You did your job and helped out the little calf who was suffering. YDI for being such an a***.
Schiffy 18
So he's an ass for feeling bad for the calf because he was tasked with the job of ripping its skin open?
finch01 18
talk about a s***** day ripping a new hole for a baby cow
Megrockstar 0
I think this is more "**** the poor Calf's life" not yours haha poor guy!
YourVoiceofReasn 6
Why is this an FML? You weren't the one born without a butthole.
ScenicSubterfuge 39
I heard of human that was born with the same thing... Terrible, terrible news>.
mccrightp 29
Sometimes shit happens, sometimes it doesn't ...then you have to use a knife!
RedPillSucks 33
I'm glad to see you worked that shit out. Sorry you had to use a knife to do it.