Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML
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Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
You out that cow through a lot. Talk about tearing it a new one...
Jakeymd 9
No one deserves to experience that. FYL (was it like opening a can of coke that had been shook?)
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Comments (121)
mattorama 15
You saved its life. You deserve respect for that, not an FML.
Omniprism 15
Oh poor little calf. You gave it life. I think your a little big of a hero even though you were doing your job. It would have died if you hadn't helped.
xTrepidation 14
Hey, much respect to you! Everyone has hard work days but that takes the cake.
iperson 11
That just painted a pretty terrible picture in my head, poor calf =(
dewberry2001 25
Rip him a new asshole (;
ThreeH3rm 5
I hate when my veal is shitty, thanks OP!
Macscotty 9
Looks like you literally tore it a new asshole.
picturescrazy 24
**** the calf's life :(
mallyn16 7
My dad works with calf's. I hope this never happens to him. Poor calf!
ShakeDisPlace 10
I feel like it should of been the Calf writing this FML, rather than you OP.