Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML
Today, my mom lost her shit because I was teaching my daughter about tampons. Apparently, they were created by radical feminists to trick women into “stealing” their own virginities, in order to make them unsuitable brides for decent men. I can’t believe I came out of this repressed psycho. FML
Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out from a cousin why my older aunts treated me so differently when we were growing up. Apparently, my mom told them that when I was 14, I wanted to use tampons instead of pads. According to their backward, archaic logic, that meant I was sexually active. No wonder they hated me. FML
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML
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Top comments
CheeseTron 15
Well just don't eat one and put it on Youtube.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
And the funny thing is, she has a boyfriend, while a billion of us perfectly normal girls don't. Let that sink in for a little bit
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Comments (104)
rockbandaddict85 22
yeah.....mom tried this one on me too! good luck op. just an old fashioned belief....just means gmom cares an awful lot about u....timing coulda been better though lol
notjanedoe 27
*Gasp* I have been robbed!
ladylilly25 20
So have I! Here I was thinking I was a virgin until I had sex and really I lost it at 13!
SirEskimo 13
Not sure if that's a joke I don't get, or unnecessary information
totallydonteven 5
20, 26 Shame on those awful tampon companies for robbing us of our innocence so young! 30, definitely a joke you're missing xP
SirEskimo 13
Back three days later and finally realize I misread that. Derp
perdix 31
It's possible. You ought to ask your gynecologist, Buster Hymen.
Sir_ND_Pity 35
And then check for any bleeding with Dr. Acula :)
ulissey_fml 22
Your granma might have often said "amen" before losing her hymen , but you wouldn't be here if your grandpa hadn't replied " i'm in !".
Calingaladha 21
Tampax, now in deflowered scent!
Catkam623 27
Damn shame that isn't first possible world record for most thumbs out.
amDes 11
Darn, and I held out from having sex until I was 19 when really I lost my virginity at age 10... Do tampons make you a ****?
ShannyAK 16
If so, then I must be the biggest **** ever
skyeyez9 25
I thought penises and the guys they are attached to took virginity
FML_Whale 18
Well obviously you thought wrong.
skyeyez9 25
I know. I learn alot on FML
Blackcatluck 19
There is also also penises and butholes, and vaginas and toys... They are called gays and lesbians. I hope you learned from my knowledge.
buckdharma 38
Sue the tampon manufacturer! When it goes to trial and your lawyer asks you if you see the party responsible for stealing your virginity, look directly at the defendant and say "U" did it.
whyistherumgone_ 10
So how did you lose your virginity? Oh you know by a tampon, it was a one night stand.
bigt529 4
grandma knows best....