Today, during a school trip to Ireland, I tried taking a souvenir...

By gege31 - Ireland

Today, during a school trip to Ireland, I tried taking a souvenir picture of a sheep wearing my sunglasses. So, if you ever see a sheep running past with sunglasses on, they're mine. FML

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Animals

There's no helping some people

Yeah, fuck the poor

I CAN HEAR YOU

By j - Australia

Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML

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By catastrophy

Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, "make them do their job." FML

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By daniel55 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

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By Sexting - United States

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

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By 1.30am - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by text at 1:30 am because he didn't want to give me "the dread of answering a phone call." When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, "For what?" FML

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By deadman - United Kingdom - Market Harborough

Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML

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By w-dog - Canada

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

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By dumped - United States - Atlanta

Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML

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By Eringobrag88 - United States

Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Jose

Today, my mom found out that I've been having counselling behind her back for the past 4 years. I broke down in tears explaining everything. Her response was, "So you go and bitch about me behind my back?!" And she wonders why I'm depressed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

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By Devotedmom - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

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By ElixirRose - United States

Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

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By Laila - United States

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

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By Lily - United States

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts "GO F YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML

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By kirstiexoxo - United States

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

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By thisucks - Canada

Today, I went out on a date with a guy significantly older than myself. I told him I really liked him because I can have an intelligent conversation with him, unlike most guys my age. He told me he just wanted to get into my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel - Ramat Hasharon

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

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By mama75 - United States

Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML

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By fonsui - United States

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

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By MegGRRRz - United States

Today, I woke up and took my mom to work. It wasn't until after I got home, logged on Facebook and looked at the upcoming birthdays to see that it was her birthday today. No wonder she was silent the entire car ride and slammed the door on the way out. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

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By kharrington - United States

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

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By Sid - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

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By sexyyy - Belgium

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

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By - 25/2/2020 22:00

Her revenge

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML

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By screwedupfuck - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

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By cassieono - United States - Springfield

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

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By longdrive - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

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By "Luke Payne"

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when I realised that I hadn't got my headphones in and was blasting Eminem whilst walking past a bunch of 5 year olds. He said the 'N' word at the same time. I guess I'm not going to that bus stop any more. FML

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By PaePae - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

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By Anonymous

Not so ready to rumble

Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML

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By Noname - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

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Top comments

By FalloutScrolls | 25

#6603107 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 17:50

I feel a baaaaaaaaaad pun coming on...

By Woolly926 | 4

#6603087 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 17:40

I mean, didn't it occur to you that might happen?

COMMENTS

By Woolly926 | 4

#6603087 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 17:40

I mean, didn't it occur to you that might happen?

By FalloutScrolls | 25

#6603107 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 17:50

I feel a baaaaaaaaaad pun coming on...

JustThatPerson | 21

#6603337 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 21:41

You're core-e-e-e-ct on that one.

By Unlovable_Me | 14

#6603109 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 17:50

Looks like the sheep was the one that ended up with a souvenir. I'd hope within the last 6 years they came off at some point.

By Mad_Maxx | 18

#6603125 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 18:02

#1 & 2, Do you not realize this is an old post from 2010?

By mattiscg | 22

#6603133 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 18:07

a little confused.....you mean a sheep out ran you? you could catch a sheep really?!?

A07 | 48

#6603202 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 19:20

Those little bastards are actually pretty fast runners.

lexos | 16

#6603730 - Thursday 12 May 2016 7:20

Sheep's are stronger and faster than the look

By Coffee5555 | 14

#6603149 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 18:23

you expected the sheep would pose for the pictures with a smile on?.. you deserve that OP..

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6603155 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 18:29

This might be my favorite FML

By DanielleinDC | 32

#6603194 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 19:10

What were you thinking, that it would be funny? YDI.

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6603210 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 19:31

is it related to Kangaroo Jack?

By Mynamewontfi | 40

#6603254 - Wednesday 11 May 2016 20:14

I thought I recognized this FML and looking at the date it was posted (2010), I was right. What's up with the repost? Happened to another one as well, not long ago.