Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my... - FML

By Sonic - 29/03/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 208

Leave me out of it

Trashy

Can't win

By hairless by death - 13/08/2013 16:07 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 195

You deserved it 4 221

By Jules - 21/02/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said I look too ugly when I cry to do it seriously in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 018

You deserved it 4 812

By eayers2689 - 30/05/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 603

You deserved it 59 011

By J - 11/02/2016 15:44 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 225

You deserved it 3 272

By Leenotgay - 25/09/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 273

You deserved it 3 635

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 23:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 629

You deserved it 38 356

By chelsea - 07/03/2011 22:23

Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 511

You deserved it 13 865

Another fine mess

By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2008 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 503

You deserved it 25 283

By Anonymous - 14/04/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 246

You deserved it 59 895

By VCDUDE11FTW - 25/12/2014 09:13 - United States - Lewis Center

Spicy

Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 517

You deserved it 16 260

By buster - 13/02/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 270

You deserved it 8 170

By nerderer - 05/06/2015 02:17 - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 766

You deserved it 11 306

By ugh - 15/01/2016 16:08 - United States

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 264

You deserved it 1 432

By itscalledaphonecontractretards - 09/08/2016 17:54 - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I resorted to breaking into my old apartment complex to do my laundry in the basement for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 508

You deserved it 1 743

By lovekills99 - 19/01/2009 17:59 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 608

You deserved it 4 243

By CaeliLady - 13/09/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 6 353

Comeback

By sadguy - 18/02/2009 22:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 998

You deserved it 23 159

By Anonymous - 08/02/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 651

You deserved it 50 356

Baby Got Back

By backfat - 18/05/2018 01:44

Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 599

You deserved it 1 051

By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 790

You deserved it 158

By alipallie - 10/03/2014 00:36 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 067

You deserved it 7 040

By phuckbukket7 - 27/04/2014 22:08 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 612

You deserved it 8 687

By mother teresa was a cunt - 17/09/2015 14:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 414

You deserved it 5 386

By krissy8799 - 15/07/2011 04:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 613

You deserved it 9 941

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 20:38 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 994

You deserved it 16 887

Risky business

By Sam - 07/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I was surfing the web for Halloween costumes, and found one labeled "Extreme Girl Nerd". With the wig, the glasses, and the buck-teeth, it looked exactly like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 416

You deserved it 6 735

By Tiffer27 - 25/01/2016 18:02 - United States

Today, I went to a very important job interview. I was so nervous that I passed out right in front of the interviewer's desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 398

You deserved it 2 429

By Anonymous - 10/09/2017 00:00 - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 968

You deserved it 389

By NewlyChildaphobic - 17/11/2009 14:50 - Ireland

Today, I was minding a 6-year old boy. He begged me to take him somewhere. I rang his Mum, and she said I could. He picked to go to McDonald's. He ordered chicken. After his meal, he told me he was vegetarian, and wanted to try some meat while his Mum wasn't around. I got the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 602

You deserved it 4 328

Toxic Managers

By impishsamaritan - 07/09/2019 22:00

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 303

By jessybear777 - 15/02/2015 03:41 - United States - Branson

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 072

You deserved it 6 411

By Alexander - 30/05/2010 16:53 - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 7 321

By o___O" - 10/05/2013 20:11 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 984

You deserved it 4 743

My Love Life in a Nutshell

By shadybarbie - 29/07/2017 13:00

Today, I was at a concert and I thought the cute drummer was winking at me, so I winked back. Then I realized he was blinking sweat out his eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 462

You deserved it 854

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 1 707

By B'Dawk - 14/10/2018 13:30

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been putting boogers in my belly button when I don't pay attention to her while we watch tv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 629

You deserved it 1 626

By loveyouson - 09/01/2013 18:48 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 141

You deserved it 6 774

Welcome!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 517

You deserved it 38 244

By nopleasestopmother - 02/05/2014 23:03 - United States - Lake Mills

Today, my mother asked me why I disliked her and my father's nakedness in the family pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 417

You deserved it 3 649

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Friday 29 March 2019 22:16

It depends on how close you are with your boss and what type of boss you have. If she’s a good boss and understands that you have to better yourself and it not because you don’t like your job. If you want to go to the wedding. But if your boss is a jerk and you don’t want to go you can politely decline to go or pretend that you didn’t get the invitation. Either way your going to have to talk with your boss. But remember you need to think about number 1 and that’s you, so don’t feel badly about quoting your job.

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Friday 29 March 2019 22:11

Not sure why this is an FML. Do you forsee your boss taking the news badly? if so, RSVP with a "not going." If not, and you are friendly with your boss, you could still go. Or, resign, then see how things go before deciding. This really isn't an FML.

Comments

bluhbluhbluh 14

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Friday 29 March 2019 20:14

I'd resign after the wedding to avoid as much awkwardness as possible.

pscool 11

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Friday 29 March 2019 20:56

That doesn’t even make any sense usually wedding invitations go out well in advance what if he has already excepted another job If he’s not gonna be in the office and declines the wedding invitation there’s no awkwardness

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 29 March 2019 21:58

In that case you can get super-drunk at her wedding and not have to worry if your outrageous behavior will get you fired.

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Friday 29 March 2019 22:11

Not sure why this is an FML. Do you forsee your boss taking the news badly? if so, RSVP with a "not going." If not, and you are friendly with your boss, you could still go. Or, resign, then see how things go before deciding. This really isn't an FML.

Send a private message

Friday 29 March 2019 22:16

It depends on how close you are with your boss and what type of boss you have. If she’s a good boss and understands that you have to better yourself and it not because you don’t like your job. If you want to go to the wedding. But if your boss is a jerk and you don’t want to go you can politely decline to go or pretend that you didn’t get the invitation. Either way your going to have to talk with your boss. But remember you need to think about number 1 and that’s you, so don’t feel badly about quoting your job.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 11

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 168

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 94