Creepy, Creepypasta and Animals: Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from... - FML

By scared-straight - 27/05/2013 04:05 - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 622

You deserved it 4 375

Creepy Creepypasta Animals

Walk the line

Nothing honey, nothing

Masked Singer

Classy Mom

By Meowitzer - 14/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was elected "class mom", even though I didn’t want to do it. I was also handed several envelopes in the hectic school hallway, containing parental cash contributions for the year. I lost several of the envelopes while rushing to my car, and now have to contribute €100 instead of €25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 1 017

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 494

You deserved it 13 131

By wiifantcso - 01/07/2014 21:57 - United States - Sturtevant

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 976

You deserved it 24 057

Love in the time of coronavirus

By Darkparcero33 - 28/02/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Then my COVID test came back as positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 128

The Gush

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 934

By blah. - 05/04/2010 10:14 - Thailand

Today, my shrink diagnosed me as severely depressive, due to a lot of stress and yells at home. After the session, my parents argued about whose fault it was and then went on to yell at me for being depressive and wasting their money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 874

You deserved it 3 830

Welcome back

By Soggy Sophia - 27/03/2013 15:44 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went for my daily post-op doctor's appointment, where I was told I can resume normal activities. Which was handy when I came home to half-an-inch of water throughout my apartment, due to my washing machine drainage pipe coming undone while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 005

You deserved it 2 631

The World won't Listen

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I went round to see a friend who recently had a heart attack and was finding it difficult to shop for herself. She complained about the food being "too healthy" and wanted bags of chips and frozen rubbish instead. Her being overweight directly caused her heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 77

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 20/03/2020 00:01

Today, as I'd been going to a gym with my wife as a guest on her account, I joined as a regular member. However, before I had time to go under my own membership, the gym closed down due to the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 222

By Joshua - 03/06/2016 17:53 - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 424

You deserved it 1 201

By warningxxLidell - 09/01/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 617

You deserved it 6 050

By Herman - 25/02/2010 00:57 - France

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 837

You deserved it 5 792

Shit yourself time

By Seth - 04/07/2021 22:01

Today, on my way to a job interview, I saw a dog running down the road so I stopped to pet it. It was a wolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 497

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 14:00

Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 601

You deserved it 900

Delayed proposal

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 365

By Noname - 23/02/2009 04:50 - United States

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 261

You deserved it 41 700

Miserable

By Éponine - 12/06/2020 17:03

Today, as an aspiring performer, I tried to practice crying on demand by singing "A Little Fall of Rain" and "On My Own" from Les Misérables. It was all going well, until my nose started running uncontrollably and no tears actually came out of my eyes. Maybe acting isn't for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 02:00

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 091

You deserved it 364

By uglyone - 13/01/2010 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 906

You deserved it 3 413

By jokersgirl - 21/05/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 804

By peacexout108 - 08/11/2009 18:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 3 342

By kylie - 25/12/2018 00:00

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 2 616

By Anonymous - 23/09/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 884

You deserved it 37 603

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 393

You deserved it 13 913

By Anonymous - 11/05/2014 22:49 - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 216

You deserved it 5 409

By why the fuck would you do that - 25/02/2013 02:57 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 470

You deserved it 3 773

By Lori - 04/11/2015 18:46 - United States - Littleton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with this really nice guy. Halfway through the date he starts talking about his wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 1 962

By Welp - 03/07/2016 12:39 - Romania

Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 235

You deserved it 1 090

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 22:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 615

You deserved it 5 636

By Username - 14/08/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 828

You deserved it 6 413

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 18:30

Today, while waiting for my interview to start, I tried to slip out a silent fart. It ended with shit running down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 536

You deserved it 1 309

By Anonymous - 28/12/2014 18:41 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 604

You deserved it 3 303

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 17:38 - Slovenia - Ruse

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 550

You deserved it 3 515

By syn1734 - 16/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 068

You deserved it 3 408

Imitation is a form of flattery. Or is it?

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 14:02

Today, and ever since he saw the infamous interview that was on TV the other day, every time I say something to my husband, he keeps quoting, "You can't do that!" and "You don't know that!" at me in Donald Trump's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 165

By _kristaaxo - 21/11/2016 09:24 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 268

You deserved it 1 511

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 17:50 - United States

Today, someone stole my iPhone. I used the Find My iPhone app, and located it in the apartment building next to mine. I can hear the ringing sound I've activated, but nobody will answer the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 836

You deserved it 2 005

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 087

You deserved it 2 494

Invasion

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to clean my roof when something buzzed by my head and a sting hit my neck. It turns out there's a small nest of, like, five hornets just chilling outside of my window. I found a dead one on the desk in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 04:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 783

You deserved it 6 175

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:07

Well, what was it!? You can't just leave us hanging!

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:06

You either have a ghost of a decease animal or you have a weird burglar.

Comments

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:06

You either have a ghost of a decease animal or you have a weird burglar.

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:11

I meant 'deceased'

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:17

'deceased' or 'decease' or simply 'dead', either way I don't think such an animal would be able to sniff anything.

mattlw 25

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Monday 27 May 2013 14:01

Plot twist: the weird burglar released the ghost of his dead pet to distract you with writing FML's, and thusly rob you blind.

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 3:14

Hey guys have you ever seen paranormal activity? lol

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 7:03

The first thing I thought of when I read the fml was that urban legend story. About that weirdo who kills a girls dog then lays under her bed licking her hand, she thought it was her dog but flips out when she finds out it was some creepo.

DyslexicPanda 12

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 8:01

Or, ya know.. A rat..

Misskayfoyer 14

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 13:06

96- Omg! my sister told me that story when I was younger! It gave me nightmares for months!! I totally thought of the same thing when I read the FML though haha!

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Wednesday 29 May 2013 15:18

nice working together

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Friday 31 May 2013 0:28

Humans can lick too

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Thursday 1 August 2013 20:45

yeah, me too =))

supertacowaffle 41

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:07

Monster under the bed? D:

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Monday 27 May 2013 16:57

Pretend your bed is a trampoline. That'll teach it

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Monday 27 May 2013 17:10

anyone else thinking Monsters Inc.

friedpwnadge 25

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Monday 27 May 2013 19:30

Maybe the floor is just really attracted to you?

SuperKnuckels 6

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Monday 27 May 2013 20:07

none of the above. just Jeff the Killer.

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Monday 27 May 2013 23:58

OP must have a mouse/ rat problem

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:07

Well, what was it!? You can't just leave us hanging!

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Monday 27 May 2013 16:09

I hate FMLs like this because they never explain the good part. Was it a person? An animal? Did OP even end up checking under the bed? Or did they ignore it and hope it goes away? So many questions! :O

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Monday 27 May 2013 18:22

Truth!

groovycrazyjoe 18

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Tuesday 28 May 2013 1:44

@3 thank you, I can't decide what to press fyl or ydi

sabrinaacrow 26

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:09

You might have rats, you should probably check it out

kittycat2007 18

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:09

time to buy some mouse traps

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:10

I'm pretty sure you just touched one of the many lost items of fluffy mysteriousness under your bed.

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:15

No worries, it's probably a worker from Monsters Inc, I hear they do comedy now.

ThatPlankton 15

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:16

Drugs are bad, mmmkay.

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Monday 27 May 2013 16:59

Gold ^

malheartsnutmeg 20

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:21

Could it have been a vent? The feeling and sound of air blowing through could seem like an animal sniffing if you're half asleep.

Metallica36176 16

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Monday 27 May 2013 12:24

Either A: You have a mouse/rat/rodent problem, B: A neighbors pet somehow got into your house and can't find its way out, or C(optional): You have a roommate or relative that you live with that has snuck a pet in without your knowledge. I would find out immediately, you don't want a UNCONTROLLABLE rodent problem. Take care of it now. :) Good luck.OP

elephantsarecute 16

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Monday 27 May 2013 19:29

Who knows, it could also have been a person who sniffed OP's hand. I'm sure we've all read of stranger things on FML.

chelseaaababyyy 17

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Monday 27 May 2013 22:59

Like the urban legend of the escaped mental patient who licks hands.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 119

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 95