By Bouh - 27/12/2012 04:04 - France - Paris

Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
I agree, your life sucks 495
You deserved it 49

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Your husband is an idiot.

Sounds like you've already got one.


At least he wants a baby

That's funny

Wishez 12

I can kind of see where OP's husband's thinking is coming from, but unfortunately it doesn't really work that way.

aussieaccents 7

Looks like someone needs to go back to Sex Ed.

@39 The longer the time spent between ejaculation the slower the sperm is... Plus those will be some painful blue balls.

We can tell that he was the fastest...

Really 2? You seriously had to say that?

theblackishkid1 6

No this is ******* hilarious

Your husband is an idiot.

oj101 33

Well, it's kinda true. Sperm builds up Cumulatively for up to 3 days until the body gets rid of it internally, but the sperm certainly doesn't compete more - just that there's more of it, and that outcome is more likely to be successful if they normally had sex every 3 days (and he doesn't fap in between) - but doing it once a day or more is far more likely to be successful than any other method.

I think you misunderstood. The husband thinks the son/daughter will be more successful as they grow up as a result of this 'competition'. Needless to say this is untrue.

Wishez 12

In reality, you are not necessarily the result of the fastest sperm, because it takes multiple sperm to break through the membrane of the egg and whichever one is lucky enough to get in first wins.

So your husband is a complete idiot and you still can't seduce him?

Werken247 14

@38 You're related to OP's husband, aren't you?

73, that is what the husband is saying...

Inheritance 10

For some reason this FML reminds me of that Family Guy episode, when Stewie is fighting his 'brother' in sperm ships. Anyone else?

I took "cumulatively" as a pun.

Umm 38, I'm pretty sure you're the one who miss understood

Epikouros 31

Every FML reminds someone of a Family Guy episode. Which reminds me of the "Simpsons did it!" episode in South Park.

No 192, that is what the husband thought... Oh humanity is doomed. -__-

Am I the only one who took this as OP's husband making an excuse to avoid having sex in order to put off having kids?

Uh, that's not the reason at all, dumb ass breeder, he doesn't want kids. You two haven't decided, you pressured him into agreeing.

Sounds like you've already got one.


But it's proven that "stale" sperm are less effective/sometimes dead when they're fired out.. Most effective means is to keep a constant fresh supply

nerdyfreak 7

I found that to be the perfect 'excuse' to do some extra exercising :) I'm now the proud father of 2 wonderful children

Actually if you wait a little the sperm quality will improve. Thats why you have to not ********** for three days if you want to donate sperm. And the body is alsp capable of getting rid of the 'old dead' sperm itself. But you're right that it's possible to wait too long, but a few weeks won't do any damage.

Keep 'em cumming!

What you doin'? I was out at the stoire and thought, that guy's an ace hole...he should way more

#260 what the bloody dickens are you talking about?

Tell him after you have the baby that you won't have sex with him because you're scared of the competition between your eggs, thus leading to an unwanted child. (yes I am aware there is only one egg in ovulation but i thought I would narrow it down to the husbands level of stupidity.)

crazytwinsmom 25

Multiple eggs tend to be released when a woman is older, nature's way of giving you a better chance of at least one being fertilized since the eggs are older and less viable.

Ah. Learn something new every day :) thanks 95

Awesome dumbing it down for the needy...

melrose90210 10

That's amazing

redhedsaysrawr 18

Actually in some cases people can have more than one egg deposited a month, especially those with the twin gene in their gene pool.

reallytho3 11

Ding ding ding we have a winner... Lol

Your baby will becum a good swimmer.

And have a long tail and end up head first up someone's uterus? That's a weird kid.


that was a (ban) pun... you really didn't get that?

Sorry, but it was so bad I honestly didn't get it

That makes absolutely no sense.

Let in swim* in.

Sink or swim...better for sperm to swim than sink

That super awkward moment when someone (126) goes to correct someone and makes a mistake never gets old.

mykelinva 4

Tell your husband that the more times he does it, the more sperm there is to fight to the death...or life as the case may be.

Ha! I like that idea. It'll help on two fronts: reduce the level to your husbands, and increase baby chances.