Health: Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share... - FML

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 423

You deserved it 3 368

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Same thing different taste

You or the both of you?

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, I celebrated my friend's 5-month sobriety milestone with her by getting absolutely wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 1 189

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/01/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 251

You deserved it 1 698

By Falling off the wagon - 09/11/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 445

You deserved it 3 568

Cruel trick

By Anonymous - 15/12/2022 21:00 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, it's my one-year anniversary of being sober. For the occasion, my father decided to spice-up my non-alcoholic cocktail with booze. I didn't realize, and drank it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 15:38 - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 333

You deserved it 3 720

The wagon

By mhmm... cumsquats - 09/02/2013 23:26 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 932

You deserved it 61 393

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

By katieemw95 - 23/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 123

Pour some more funny!

By Bruce - 12/03/2023 00:00

Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 130

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 7 170

By notalcoholic - 09/12/2009 05:29 - Philippines

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 068

You deserved it 5 206

Next

Top comments

Jaxx66 21

Monday 9 January 2012 8:51

Seems like you shouldn't be calling him for a while! Sorry OP, keep up the good work though!

itsbreyo 5

Monday 9 January 2012 8:55

I don't understand why people vote for "you deserve it" on posts like these. Great job OP ;)

Comments

lyle125 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:50

So did you go? You should you deserve a drink after a whole month.

nvo 6

Tuesday 10 January 2012 7:16

Keep it up ... you can do it!!!

Sammybabbyy 2

Tuesday 10 January 2012 7:50

I just banged someone I met on hoookupstonight.gu.ma

gerbeezooe 1

Tuesday 10 January 2012 8:39

Congratulations on your one month, keep coming back :)

Blazar420 15

Tuesday 10 January 2012 15:41

He should have gotten you hookers and blow instead. brothers can't do anything right.

booboo2464 3

Tuesday 10 January 2012 20:58

Just be strong, relapse and die as I've been told :)

upsidedownfrownn 5

Wednesday 11 January 2012 0:57

Typical

gummiebearz0_o 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:59

At least he cares

watcanigetu 2

Wednesday 11 January 2012 7:13

hey for all the haters an what not, it is possible to go to a bar or party and not drink. its a decision one has to make. i can relate, i am a recovering alcoholic, i have nearly 7 months.

lazychica 0

Saturday 14 January 2012 19:55

I saw that on reddit!

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The Top

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 106

Today, I tried dyeing my hair at home to save some money. I carefully followed the instructions but when I rinsed it off, my hair turned a shocking shade of shiity neon green. Not wanting to leave the house looking like a radioactive toad, I wore a hat and hoped nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 340

The Top

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 190

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 454

You deserved it 4 881

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 641

You deserved it 19 424

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 601

You deserved it 3 884

Today, I accidentally covfefe

I agree, your life sucks 2 868

You deserved it 1 598

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 535

You deserved it 4 621