Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

Today, the pizza delivery guy saw me in my underwear. My boyfriend is so ashamed of me that he pointed out to the guy twice that we were just roommates. FML

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

White knight, wrong place

Today, I dropped in on my wife at her part time waitressing job. As I was leaving, I gave her tushie a playful squeeze. I was then tackled by some acne-ridden teenage blockhead trying to impress the hot waitress by beating up the guy groping her. FML

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

Like the beginning of a porno

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

Loose connections

Today, the pizza delivery guy and I know more about each other than me and my family ever have. FML

Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

Nice try, Karen

Today, as a pizza delivery driver, I delivered to a customer with young kids. She gave the pizzas to one of her kids to take inside, where the kid dropped them and it went everywhere. She then rang the store and claimed that I'd dropped the pizzas, then told her to "suck it up." FML