Work: Today, and every day, a homeless looking man walks into my work,...

By simply2010 - 30/09/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, and every day, a homeless looking man walks into my work, sits down and stares. I'm new to the job so, trying to make new friends, when the guy walked in this time, I went over to a co worker I was really clicking with, and went off about how creepy he was. He replied with "Who, my dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 722

You deserved it 32 761

Work

Late term

The smell detective is on the case

Make your mind up

By badtiming - 03/03/2015 17:18 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 268

You deserved it 9 913

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 04:37 - Canada - Kinburn

Today, I was doing a demonstration in front of my taekwondo class because I'm flexible. Really flexible. I kneed myself in the face and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 516

You deserved it 10 812

By KnowWhereYourTowelIs - 14/08/2013 07:13 - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I won a year's supply of bath bombs in a competition. I live in a tiny flat by myself with only a shower. I also have to find somewhere to put the bath bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 776

You deserved it 6 103

By Mr. Shawzy - 15/01/2009 11:43 - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 039

You deserved it 23 157

By littlekellilee - 08/03/2012 16:23 - Canada

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 807

You deserved it 2 529

By shmelly - 16/04/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 884

You deserved it 22 183

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 03:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a phone I bought online turned up while I was at work. The delivery guy left a note saying he'd left the package with my neighbor at #10. When I went and knocked on the door and asked for the package, my neighbor said "Nope, nothing delivered here." and quickly shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 937

You deserved it 1 976

By AllyCat - 07/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 990

You deserved it 5 493

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 yr old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 719

You deserved it 2 815

By CivE - 25/01/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I started work as the head engineer for a big civil engineering project. I met the rest of my team, in particular the environmental engineer who I'll need to get along with the most. As it turns out, I took her virginity when we were freshmen in college. She still thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 967

You deserved it 38 149

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 04:57 - United States - Paducah

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 948

You deserved it 4 308

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 561

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 17:13 - United States - Lakeland

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 765

You deserved it 5 246

By Jeanna S. - 23/11/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 384

You deserved it 28 180

By anti-drugs - 21/03/2011 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 209

You deserved it 4 250

By FMe - 04/05/2015 14:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 686

You deserved it 2 382

By Sock_Muppet - 06/04/2019 20:00

Today, I looked at my sister's Instagram story, and saw her, my brother, and my father all on a family road trip to Reno without me. I wasn't told anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 343

You deserved it 170

By LonelyThisChristmas - 24/12/2016 20:14 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my step-mum told me that the Christmas dinner she is cooking tomorrow will cost £25 a head. I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Now I'm spending Christmas alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 938

You deserved it 627

By married - 16/10/2010 12:31 - United States

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 480

You deserved it 7 231

By littlepsychgirl - 29/09/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 412

You deserved it 2 919

By Anonymous - 27/05/2012 14:19 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 978

You deserved it 35 771

By peter - 11/09/2009 04:33 - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 676

You deserved it 2 974

By NoctisMax - 25/12/2016 06:47 - United States - Humble

Today, I was caught doing it with my boyfriend in a car because we wanted to have privacy from my family. I'm a grown adult with my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 448

You deserved it 2 375

By Halle - 01/11/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 039

You deserved it 6 679

By screwed - 04/11/2012 09:55 - United States

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 587

You deserved it 5 420

By still laughing - 28/08/2015 21:48 - United States - Providence

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 327

You deserved it 5 017

By got any coupons? - 23/12/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 888

You deserved it 3 393

Technique

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 23:02

Today, I figured out the best way to endure my wife's lack of sex drive: whenever she complains, I lose the urge myself. Works like a charm, because she complains all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 225

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 00:00

Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer saying they were having trouble getting ahold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to the place and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 517

You deserved it 466

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I was bored so I got my little brother's toy spaceship and a teddy bear, went to my room and started flying them around, having dog fights, making explosion noises and humming epic orchestral music. My mom opened my bedroom door, showing our new hot female neighbour around the house. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 035

You deserved it 38 244

By YoshiSqu4d - 03/07/2019 14:01

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 95

By imy - 18/10/2011 15:01 - United States

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 018

You deserved it 9 431

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 02:01

Today, I tend to get bloated in the afternoons when I suffer from stress. Lately, I've been so stressed out that I'm seriously considering buying maternity pants, because not even my stretchiest sweat pants will fit me after 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 199

By Sleep Deprived - 25/12/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 128

You deserved it 3 786

By oh my soul - 14/03/2018 01:30

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 774

You deserved it 2 018

By Anonymous - 11/03/2018 15:00

Today, the girl I thought I was dating introduced me to her boyfriend. We've gone on dates and have slept in the same bed, but it turns out she thought I was her gay best friend and was planning to introduce me to her boyfriend's brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 275

You deserved it 836

By Rman - 02/11/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 560

You deserved it 41 871

By hometown blues - 26/06/2019 20:30

Today, I’d been dying to escape my dreary hometown, but had panic attacks at the thought of being on my own, but at last, I'd found a place I could afford. Turns out, the guy I was going to rent from was just arrested for murdering his last tenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 316

By dBLIZZARD - 09/06/2015 18:39 - United States

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 934

You deserved it 3 999

By LostSoul - 19/07/2019 14:02

Today, I was at a store. I asked if I needed a key for their bathroom, and they said the door was open. I have to walk past them to go in and out of the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, they used the key and walked in on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 91

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Top comments

RODEOqueen 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:04

Ouch. That's why you shouldn't try to make friends by putting other people down.

imaginaryvoice 18

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:04

Ahahaha that's when you back away slowly and compliment on how attractive his father is

imaginaryvoice 18

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:04

Ahahaha that's when you back away slowly and compliment on how attractive his father is

Sonfang 19

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:37

You should have been polite and asked if he knew the man and if so who was he, not go and make fun of someone behind their back! You never judge a book by it's cover!

iHOOT4Hooters 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 5:15

Let me go make fun of some random guy in my work that looks homeless! I can't imagine how many new friends I'm going to be making while laughing at this guy! What a flawless plan! OP, you know what they say, don't judge a book by it's.... Screw you OP.

lolmonster34 0

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 3:28

Pfft pfft I mean look at that amazing haircut he has

RODEOqueen 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:04

Ouch. That's why you shouldn't try to make friends by putting other people down.

schwancy 2

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:16

Couldn't agree more!

oarisimo 4

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Friday 1 October 2010 2:44

I agree. what a horrible way to make friends!

PedoBearSaysYES 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 11:34

>.> There can only be one prepare to be pedoed #18 dun dun duuuun

Infamous_Hawk 6

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Saturday 2 October 2010 2:54

gig 'em aggies :D best college in the world

BarrelChick 0

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Sunday 14 August 2011 8:10

Hell yeah!Although I have no idea what it has to do with this fml lol(:

schwancy 2

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:08

joke? if not... awkward.

Blacktivate 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:09

the best part was when the co worker winced in pain before replying

Hlperez 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:13

You should have just kept your mouth shut.

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:18

Learn to build yourself up without putting others down.

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:30

I'd like to build you up, if you know what I mean... (reads letter from PBS) Damn it! They just canceled my show and I haven't even started airing it yet!

RememberMe1 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 3:44

^Not funny.

PedoBearSaysYES 0

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Friday 1 October 2010 11:36

Why do you build me up (build me up), buttercup baby Just to let me down (let me down)

MAGNAVOX 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:19

Maybe his dad is a meth fiend ?

lauralea2010 3

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:19

sad...

DTHrocker 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:47

don't say bad thing about people you don't know

FYLDeep 25

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Thursday 30 September 2010 16:51

So why's he there? To pick her up and bring her to the home he doesn't have? I think you're full of shit OP. I doubt he was even homeless.

talun 10

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Thursday 30 September 2010 17:00

Isn't the co-worker a he?

Nena713 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 17:23

The OP said homeless looking man. She wasn't sure if he was homeless or not. Her co-workers dad just dresses raggedy maybe.

Pastor_Rich 0

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Thursday 30 September 2010 19:02

yea, you go girl!

simply2010 0

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 7:35

er.. ya i thought he was homeless because he always came in and just sat down ordering nothing and dressed in the same clothes, and he was a little crazy but i found out it was because he was in a horrible car accident that did brain damage. so i felt even worse. however we do get many homeless people cause of the area we are in.. still i will "never judge a book by the cover" again!