Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and...

By Rubyscooby212 - 15/2/2015 04:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35218

3683

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Vultures

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 10/2/2016 16:57 - United States - Avon

Today, there was an issue with the sewage system at work. It smelled like somebody took a turd, left it in the sun to marinate, threw up on it, then put in the air conditioning to fill the store with nauseating stink. I nearly threw up multiple times because we weren't allowed to leave early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20190

You deserved it

1359

Favorite

By anonymous1 - 14/6/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49517

You deserved it

10920

Favorite

By shrimp41 - 14/5/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46777

You deserved it

16196

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 02:48 - United States - Encinitas

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40144

You deserved it

8095

Favorite

By bullllllshittttt - 6/3/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, I went to a rave where apparently one of my favorite rappers was supposed to perform. I stood in line for 2 hours in the rain, got pushed and shoved, and had to witness a bunch of drunken idiots puke all over the place. Once I finally got to the front of the line, they closed the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35283

You deserved it

6530

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/6/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28449

You deserved it

2119

Favorite

By Lucy - 6/3/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26877

You deserved it

2574

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 21:50 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37627

You deserved it

11956

Favorite

By ohno. - 19/8/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44298

You deserved it

5655

Favorite

By theseguysarewhipped... - 6/10/2014 15:05 - Canada - London

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40551

You deserved it

5194

Favorite

By Daemon - 27/10/2008 04:57 - France

Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20445

You deserved it

88888

Favorite

By oops - 18/5/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53381

You deserved it

10788

Favorite

By DrunkenMum - 20/7/2019 12:00

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1413

You deserved it

Favorite

By campus pussy - 22/3/2014 21:08 - United States - Ross

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42928

You deserved it

11389

Favorite

By Vandrefalk - 1/3/2012 00:09 - Norway

Today, I got myself an organ donor card, just to feel wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23836

You deserved it

5325

Favorite

By Mary - 16/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41228

You deserved it

3419

Favorite

By SkipLegDay - 3/8/2016 08:48 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14246

You deserved it

3214

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/3/2010 21:40 - United States

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31086

You deserved it

2501

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/9/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35741

You deserved it

2515

Favorite

By bdiddy - 11/7/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39619

You deserved it

11309

Favorite

By Speedy - 20/7/2010 13:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13592

You deserved it

40889

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/5/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I helped my parents move out of their old house. While I was guiding my dad down the stairs with the couch, my mom asked me to pick up the tape on the step below me. I bent over and grunted. My dad thought I said "Go" and kept moving. He knocked me down two flights of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30597

You deserved it

4217

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/9/2010 23:34 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26337

You deserved it

12996

Favorite

By ThePopeMan - 17/3/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she started moaning and breathing heavily. I thought she was getting hot and was about to cum. Unfortunetly, she soon said, "I'm bored, let's play a board game." She was sighing, not moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68907

You deserved it

22981

Favorite

By Francoise3 - 18/3/2009 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an e-mail from the girls at work. It was an invite to lunch but it said, "Lunch today at Camber's, PLEASE don't tell Francoise, I don't think any of us can take any more of her!" I'm Francoise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86795

You deserved it

19351

Favorite

By homerr123 - 23/12/2013 17:35 - India - Mumbai

Today, my manager rejected my leave application for Christmas. Later I found out that I'm going to be the only employee working at the office during Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46804

You deserved it

3218

Favorite

By ShanghaiSam - 17/5/2017 04:00 - China - Shanghai

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6047

You deserved it

353

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7907

You deserved it

17833

Favorite

By jccwell - 23/9/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26969

You deserved it

2353

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/1/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27833

You deserved it

5585

Favorite

By anon - 5/3/2011 10:15 - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

I agree, your life sucks

43232

You deserved it

3084

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 17:34 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47182

You deserved it

3275

Favorite

By dirtyhands - 18/2/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28401

You deserved it

62659

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36789

You deserved it

4193

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/8/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34786

You deserved it

12326

Favorite

By busted - 5/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I told my mum that the reason I hadn't contacted her for 3 days was that my internet was broken, when in reality I'd gone off for a dirty weekend with the guy I'm having sex with. I forgot my older sister worked for my internet provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

633

You deserved it

2046

Favorite

By Mightaswelltutordogs - 21/12/2014 01:16 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30441

You deserved it

5531

Favorite

By fuckingdonuts - 18/5/2015 02:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32886

You deserved it

5143

Favorite

By unlucky - 6/2/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12636

You deserved it

25625

Favorite

By UkuleleTime - 10/6/2015 05:25 - United States - Garner

Today, I worked in a shoe store. As I was removing the shoes off an older man I felt a squish, and pulled back my hand to see brown and yellow. The man then looked at me and said, "Looks like I missed a spot." Dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25975

You deserved it

1824

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By marulicko | 19

#6203472 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:01

If life was anything like it is in the movies, your doctor would've been cute, single and super into you! Something tells me that that didn't happen though... :( happy Valentine's Day? ^^'

By Ieri | 31

#6203473 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:02

Well it sure seems like the start of a romantic comedy at least!

Comments

By ariastyles12 | 25

#6203470 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:00

Was the chocolate good? I hope you feel better!

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6203483 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:09

It was probably Purdy good. Hopefully the doctor didn't Snicker at OP.

kmaheynoway | 25

#6203502 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:41

I Hershey is feeling better.

mellajella | 14

#6203636 - Sunday 15 February 2015 21:57

OP's recovery is going to be a rocky road.

UserOfTheMind | 24

#6204392 - Monday 16 February 2015 18:52

Hopefully the doctor isn't an airhead. (I tried)

kmaheynoway | 25

#6204700 - Tuesday 17 February 2015 3:19

You're pun is in good taste. We won't be bitter.

MGS428 | 8

#6205002 - Tuesday 17 February 2015 16:37

Someone explain to me why this got so many downvotes?

By fallencastiel | 22

#6203471 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:00

At least you weren't totally alone on Valentine's day!

By marulicko | 19

#6203472 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:01

If life was anything like it is in the movies, your doctor would've been cute, single and super into you! Something tells me that that didn't happen though... :( happy Valentine's Day? ^^'