Valentine's slay, Successful breakups and Miscellaneous: Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and...

By Rubyscooby212 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35263

3697

Understandable

Taking stock

Season finale

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32259

You deserved it

2561

Favorite

By Arrkyna

Today, I decided to upgrade to Windows 10. I wanted to keep my old files on the current hard drive, I clicked on the keep old files option. Thanks to Windows, I lost everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23699

You deserved it

5681

Favorite

By kayin - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31357

You deserved it

6559

Favorite

By khaelian - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34332

You deserved it

2757

Favorite

By sadface - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39283

You deserved it

3444

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Lakeland

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29367

You deserved it

3219

Favorite

By Check Writer - United States - Oceanside

Today, I was notified that the company did not give me a raise two months ago like I thought. The increase was a typo. Two months ago I wrote a thank you for the raise email to my boss. Now I get to write a check to the company to pay back my "raise." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39650

You deserved it

3203

Favorite

By eww. - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56232

You deserved it

7184

Favorite

By lolk - United States - Little Rock

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22656

You deserved it

41534

Favorite

By Kay - United Kingdom

Today, I was looking down at my chest and noticed the hairs growing upon it. For a 16 year old, it's pretty impressive. It's a shame that I'm a girl though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39417

You deserved it

3293

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1865

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/4/2021 20:00

Road rage

Today, I was brake-checking a Dodge Charger who was attempting to run me off. It was an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

286

You deserved it

1496

Favorite

By mcadabax - Canada

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31190

You deserved it

3876

Favorite

By missPiggy - Norway

Today, a colleague found out that I struggled with anorexia when young. After ranting about how it's a silly 'Women's disease', he renamed me 'Miss Piggy' and made oinking noises every time I ate something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35801

You deserved it

2227

Favorite

By Wex - Chile

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24852

You deserved it

2640

Favorite

By d for vendetta - 21/4/2021 23:00

Snitches get bitches

Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1165

You deserved it

210

Favorite

By Anonymous - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26216

You deserved it

5703

Favorite

By pat - United States

Uncertainty

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54586

You deserved it

3613

Favorite

By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55377

You deserved it

4042

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 11:01

In a bad place

Today, while scrolling through my contact list, I realized I have more therapists and support workers than I do friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

682

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By Bigpoppa0507 - Canada

Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27334

You deserved it

14616

Favorite

By akosirm - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34248

You deserved it

13420

Favorite

By SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34061

You deserved it

3362

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30752

You deserved it

5361

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52923

You deserved it

5376

Favorite

By saltynutz20 - United States

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64630

You deserved it

8025

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30967

You deserved it

2402

Favorite

By rkaneki

Twice error

Today, the guy I've been seeing told me he did not want to pursue a relationship with me after over 2 months of talking. He did the exact same thing to me 7 years ago. I fell for him twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1608

You deserved it

1347

Favorite

By pocahontas - United States

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35512

You deserved it

6873

Favorite

By lynn - United States

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43764

You deserved it

4362

Favorite

By sideGirl - 26/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Lancaster

Side piece

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1403

You deserved it

173

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Coatesville

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55365

You deserved it

4665

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/11/2020 20:03 - United States - Herndon

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1604

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By penguindude82 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8684

You deserved it

33658

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

201967

You deserved it

21695

Favorite

By ahddib - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34061

You deserved it

10261

Favorite

By GavinHosler - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43649

You deserved it

33654

Favorite

By DoesNotLikeCubes - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40538

You deserved it

10976

Favorite

By Jason

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5123

You deserved it

621

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55730

You deserved it

7788

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By marulicko | 19

#6203472 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:01

If life was anything like it is in the movies, your doctor would've been cute, single and super into you! Something tells me that that didn't happen though... :( happy Valentine's Day? ^^'

By Ieri | 31

#6203473 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:02

Well it sure seems like the start of a romantic comedy at least!

COMMENTS

By ariastyles12 | 25

#6203470 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:00

Was the chocolate good? I hope you feel better!

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6203483 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:09

It was probably Purdy good. Hopefully the doctor didn't Snicker at OP.

kmaheynoway | 25

#6203502 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:41

I Hershey is feeling better.

mellajella | 14

#6203636 - Sunday 15 February 2015 21:57

OP's recovery is going to be a rocky road.

UserOfTheMind | 24

#6204392 - Monday 16 February 2015 18:52

Hopefully the doctor isn't an airhead. (I tried)

kmaheynoway | 25

#6204700 - Tuesday 17 February 2015 3:19

You're pun is in good taste. We won't be bitter.

MGS428 | 8

#6205002 - Tuesday 17 February 2015 16:37

Someone explain to me why this got so many downvotes?

By fallencastiel | 22

#6203471 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:00

At least you weren't totally alone on Valentine's day!

By marulicko | 19

#6203472 - Sunday 15 February 2015 19:01

If life was anything like it is in the movies, your doctor would've been cute, single and super into you! Something tells me that that didn't happen though... :( happy Valentine's Day? ^^'