Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML
Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
caticaticati 3
F your life, your husband has a sense of humor and wanted to make you laugh when you were upset.
FaiIedAtLife 0
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Comments (126)
iraqagainfuck 0
I hate you snick, you post on like every FML. It's like you spend all day here acting big when all you want is attention from others. you got it here stfu and quit pmsing about every fml you read grammar nazi hows this for grammar a run-on sentence that keeps on going on does this make you feel like you need to correct me? holy shit people like you make me want to vomit
brichewyy 0
#79 how would you kno if she was always commenting if you also are always on here ?
thump_fml 0
try buying the regular sized bottle of Chardonnay instead of the 1.5 liter.
TheDrageisha 0
its in the health section, thump. got-it-everywhere could have the flu or even cancer for all you know.
jayde214 0
omfg. snickerdoodles is such a bitch! she comments everything. stop insulting everyone. she was sick an upset and needed sympathy. imbecile.
jayde214 0
@ 79 I totally agree with you. she needs a life.
purplemnm 9
oh she needs a life while you assholes sit on the computer and troll? how do you even know she comments on every fml? I guess you read them all too. pathetic, absolutly pathetic.
Jrook 0
yeah it's real stupid to be a bully online. insecure people. shows weakness you're literally getting angry or physically ill over something people are supposed to do. "it makes me want to puke when people use this site as the creators intended" and I can't or don't know how to pm anybody off my iPod, this is an app for me and other people too
metrockick10 0
Would it really have been that hard for the dumb shit to be supportive? Guys bitch just as much as women do, especially when they're sick. Hell, with most men, having a cold is like the plague and they milk it for all it's worth. It wouldn't have taken anymore time out of his, I'm sure, totally busy schedule at work to simply say, "I'm sorry, that sucks, do you want me to get you something for your stomach on the way home from work tonight?". I don't know who pissed in all your breakfast cereals this morning but I'm sure all you little self-absorbed bitches have gone sympathy hunting at some point in your life. Being sick sucks. She wasn't asking him to ******* come home from work so get over yourselves and stop acting all badass. You post on an internet website to get attention for God's sake. You're not that cool.
xrudeboyrock 29
this is what I'm thinking. she wasn't feeling well, she wanted a comforting voice. how is that needy or whiny?
KesiaFabulous 0
Okay? so what's the problem here? Maybe he was trying to make you smile. You're not five years old. It's not his job to baby you. He's your Husband not motherr.
jth9 0
#86 your ****** ugly! you too snickerbitch