Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, I felt so awful in my belly, I went to a massage therapist for help. She, like me, thought it was the stress of some recent family issues. It was more than that. Her kneading of my gut indeed relieved me by helping me have a HUGE go. One scream and a four foot turd later, I realized I'd been constipated. No longer. FML
Today, out of sheer stubbornness, my husband forced himself to go to the toilet despite severe constipation. He forced it so hard he now has a migraine and his nose won’t stop bleeding, but he won’t go see a doctor. He could have burst an artery in his brain but no, he knows better than "some doctor." FML
Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
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Top comments
Sunako_fml 9
You boyfriend is an idiot for assuming like that..
bob7up 5
That's pretty bad for him to assume something like that.
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Comments (227)
rebeccac3 5
When u call the ambulance, tell them to bring a Uhaul too for all his shit!
zandalee 20
Flush him!!!
ZBonner 3
Girls don't poop.
shanemcunt 10
Like Dane Cook says we will all have painful s****
Leslier_fml 4
He is stupid. Anal sex would have actually help you go the bathroom. Lol heard of Activia? It works too.
FireFlie07 20
That's ridiculous of him to think that.
trucker67 10
I hope it's ex boyfriend now because if I was in Ontario I'd drive you to the hospital - what a dick he is , you deserve to be treated way better than that .
fordman22 0
Thats really shitty
tonijulie 20
He's an idiot. Get someone else to drive you to the hospital
xNephilim 19
Your boyfriend is a dumbfuck. Anal sex doesn't cause constipation. It's the direct opposite. Anal liquifies the shit out of your, well, shit.
fordman22 0
And you know this how?