Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML
Today, I felt so awful in my belly, I went to a massage therapist for help. She, like me, thought it was the stress of some recent family issues. It was more than that. Her kneading of my gut indeed relieved me by helping me have a HUGE go. One scream and a four foot turd later, I realized I'd been constipated. No longer. FML
Today, out of sheer stubbornness, my husband forced himself to go to the toilet despite severe constipation. He forced it so hard he now has a migraine and his nose won’t stop bleeding, but he won’t go see a doctor. He could have burst an artery in his brain but no, he knows better than "some doctor." FML
Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
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Top comments
Sunako_fml 9
You boyfriend is an idiot for assuming like that..
bob7up 5
That's pretty bad for him to assume something like that.
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Comments (227)
prettypril 5
You should of said, " Yep, I'm totally having anal with the toilet seat." :)
123man 11
I am a medical doctor and based on how you have described your condition, I can definitively say, you indeed must have had anal sex with someone.
TheInvisibleOne 31
Go away, you idiot. No one wants your troll self here.
omggtfomi 1
Oh my god, i am so sorry
gregorygreg87 12
Yeah, cuz anal causes constipation... NOT. It helps make it go away.
destroyer69 0
Yeah tell ur husband it was me ;)
Hiphuray4peas 27
Any guy who refuses to take you to the hospital is dangerous. Run, do not walk to the nearest exit!
TergesteCity 12
ahahaha also that time of the month you just lose again your virginity with someone else?
TheInvisibleOne 31
What?
im_smart 0
Dude reading this made me laugh for 20 minutes strait
allyssa77 0
Your boyfriend is a complete dick. I say you run as fast as you can.
MyWorldAway 0
Does he have personal experience? what a IDIOT