Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML
Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML
Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML
Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML
Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML
Today, I was eating chicken noodle soup for my lunch. It was perfect until the last bite when it went down the wrong pipe. Choking, I coughed up what I'd already eaten. In front of my coworkers, and all over myself. FML
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Top comments
WhatsOpTic 11
Damn salads these days trying to kill people
Quackadoodledoo 13
Icebergs can be very dangerous.
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Comments (84)
DQueen1726 9
Stop being so negative.. It could kill you
tehdarkness 21
That's the universe scolding you for having those idiotic thoughts.
TechnoKitten 17
That's ..unlettucing. Haha get it?
Bigsil69 3
Well you don't make friends with salad ...
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Aww baby :( I hope you're okay
buttcramp 21
OP everyone is good at something! You will figure out your natural talent eventually and you'll excel :) I believe in you!
sandman2118 10
Even eating healthy can kill you
1947Chevy 17
You got the lettuce out in time dude not you? That has to count for something
garebear61 14
Rough day.It happens.to the best of us. So my advice is to start tomorrow off with something easy, relaxing, and maybe go out a little dressed up so you feel confident.
pratikp03 22
You need help. Visit a doctor.