Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML
Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML
Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML
Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML
Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML
Today, in order to not upset my boss's autistic son who believes he is a chef, I had to choke down food that was both burnt and undercooked in the middle, contained way too much salt, and no other seasonings at all. I’m a real chef and I could feel my taste buds dying after eating that slop. FML
Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML
Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML
Today, I tried a new recipe for dinner. However, the recipe was written by someone with a penchant for overly dramatic storytelling. I spent the entire evening deciphering the narrative while desperately trying to salvage a dish that ultimately tasted like disappointment. FML
Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML
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Top comments
Yudith 28
You could do like the professional wine tasters and spit after chewing.
RichardPencil 32
Ugh, I threw up in my mouth a little.
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Comments (3)
Nieko 11
Sounds tasty. I wanna try this today, can you give me the recipe?
RichardPencil 32
Ugh, I threw up in my mouth a little.
Yudith 28
You could do like the professional wine tasters and spit after chewing.