Health, Food and Gross: Self sabotage

Self sabotage

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 00:02 - Germany

Today, I gave myself a major foodgasm by creating an absolutely yummy egg and mushroom salad with mustard. Turns out, though, that my digestive abilities are not quite as good as my culinary ones. FML

agreeclassic 501

vote type 1 178

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Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

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By failureatlife - 27/04/2014 19:16 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

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Health kick

By What am I supposed to do? - 31/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, after years of my very poor diet finally resulted in a long overdue health scare, I declared I must try to live healthier. Also today, I was reminded of my hypersensitive gag reflex (I'm autistic), which causes my body to vehemently protest the consumption of a variety of healthy foods. This sucks. FML

agreeclassic 355

vote type 1 168

That homely smell

By Bottomless_Pit_for_the_NOMS - 23/09/2020 10:01 - United States - Miami

Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML

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Two rooms, two atmospheres

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 16:58

Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML

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Food for thought

By Anonymous - 10/08/2023 16:00

Today, in order to not upset my boss's autistic son who believes he is a chef, I had to choke down food that was both burnt and undercooked in the middle, contained way too much salt, and no other seasonings at all. I’m a real chef and I could feel my taste buds dying after eating that slop. FML

agreeclassic 796

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Food ****

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

agreeclassic 846

vote type 1 350

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

agreeclassic 25 913

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Meandering

By Kate & Nate - 29/11/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I tried a new recipe for dinner. However, the recipe was written by someone with a penchant for overly dramatic storytelling. I spent the entire evening deciphering the narrative while desperately trying to salvage a dish that ultimately tasted like disappointment. FML

agreeclassic 402

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By Anonymous - 22/09/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

agreeclassic 3 334

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Yudith 25

Monday 28 August 2023 18:28

You could do like the professional wine tasters and spit after chewing.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 August 2023 6:31

Ugh, I threw up in my mouth a little.

Comments

Nieko 11

Monday 28 August 2023 5:52

Sounds tasty. I wanna try this today, can you give me the recipe?

RichardPencil 30

Monday 28 August 2023 6:31

Ugh, I threw up in my mouth a little.

Yudith 25

Monday 28 August 2023 18:28

You could do like the professional wine tasters and spit after chewing.

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Top

Today, I was trying to fix a stapler, but it turns out it wasn't broken at all. It wouldn't staple a small stack of papers but had no trouble stapling through my finger. FML

agreeclassic 19 441

vote type 1 3 938

Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML

agreeclassic 5 479

vote type 1 526

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

agreeclassic 28 707

vote type 1 22 330

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

agreeclassic 25 016

vote type 1 4 925

Today, just walked in on my fiancé having a threesome with my brother and his husband. The wedding was supposed to be next week, and a lot of it is non-refundable FML

agreeclassic 1 734

vote type 1 201

Today, my husband won’t stop bragging about the girl with the "model cheekbones" from the airport shuttle, who kept telling her friend in French how hot he was in front of us. Miss Model was unaware that we’re from France, and my husband’s ego might never deflate. FML

agreeclassic 982

vote type 1 162