Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in three months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML
Today, a few weeks after my ex dumped me and I'd just started to get over it, she asked me to get her pregnant. We had sex once within the year we were dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my ex told me she got pregnant from when I was comforting her when her mother died. We were still friends, so I went to her house and held her while she cried. One thing led to another and we began fucking like rabbits. I was gonna propose to my girlfriend next month. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
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Top comments
Sfaizi24 17
MAKE HER A HAM STEAK
Jeffo193 13
If she's pregnant, you're going to be doing a lot of this stuff. A friend of mine craved pickled gerkhins (dill pickles) dipped in ice cream when she was pregnant, and burst into tears when she smelled a bad smell...
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Comments (179)
fresh247 10
go Ham on dat !
ulissey_fml 22
Her well being is at steack, so I'd meat her demands !
CharresBarkrey 16
Oh my god this is your third comment on this FML. Just give up.
RedD12 3
For real; your illiteracy is not funny. And when the comments on your comment gets more thumbs you have a problem.
outoftown 27
On-and-off libido, random crying, wanting specific foods when you want them is her (and your) new normal. Consider it practice for fatherhood. (PS: If you think dealing with her libido is hard, wait 'til your child hits puberty!)
Sakaea 22
Get used to it. She's gonna be emotional, craving strange things, and not her normal self for the next 9 months.
darkmis1 18
She's pregnant. That's what's gonna happen. No offense, but if sex takes so much priority over the wants of your pregnant girlfriend, maybe you should've taken more precautions.
dwc2134 5
Where in the OP was it ever implied that it did? All the OP said was that it had been a few weeks, they finally did it, and right after she starts crying and craving ham steak. Maybe fairly normal for pregnancy, but if this is his first time dealing with a pregnant woman and/or it is fairly early during the pregnancy and he isn't used to this kind of stuff yet... well, nothing can really prepare you for it.
darkmis1 18
I've never been pregnant, I'm only 21 and I know what to expect. Mood swings and less sex are two things that should be fairly common knowledge.
incendiaaa 23
i'm surprised that you weren't expecting a reaction like that from a pregnant lady... make sure the fridge is ALWAYS full!
Enzi_fml 21
Well I hope you made her the damn ham steak!
slmwhitechick 8
Be thankful I've had 3 miscarriages and was just told I can't have children did I mention I'm only 30
zandalee 20
55- I can't believe some arseholes down voted you. So sorry to hear that. That must be terrible for you. Would you consider adoption? I probably would. It so rocks being a Mum. X
fdupagain 11
They may have down voted the miscarriage part, that's a tough one. Down vote and look insensitive, up vote and look insensitive. Either way it is terribly sad. A woman can want a baby so bad it actually hurts. Don't believe everything the Drs say, sometimes they say shit when they really don't know. My mom had 3 MC, almost 4, and went on to have 4 kids. I was told I would never have kids, I had 2 MC, possibly another very early, and almost lost my first early on, but have 2 kids. I wish those who shouldn't parent would be the ones who have those problems, not those who desperately want to have a baby. Adoption is a wonderful thing for both parties. I wish you the best of luck, and OP, you should be grateful to deal with hormones, not a devastated girlfriend.
SasquatchDeluxe 10
YDI for knocking her up, then being surprised when she acts like someone who's pregnant.
Serisent 26
Hungry? Why wait. Grab a ham steak.