Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
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Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in three months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML
Today, a few weeks after my ex dumped me and I'd just started to get over it, she asked me to get her pregnant. We had sex once within the year we were dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my ex told me she got pregnant from when I was comforting her when her mother died. We were still friends, so I went to her house and held her while she cried. One thing led to another and we began fucking like rabbits. I was gonna propose to my girlfriend next month. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
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Top comments
Sfaizi24 17
MAKE HER A HAM STEAK
Jeffo193 13
If she's pregnant, you're going to be doing a lot of this stuff. A friend of mine craved pickled gerkhins (dill pickles) dipped in ice cream when she was pregnant, and burst into tears when she smelled a bad smell...
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Comments (179)
wagne057 6
Time to make her a proud mother and fry up that ham!
buddy51 23
Your performance brought out the ham in her...
Steve95401 49
I guess the wiener OP's girlfriend had as an appetizer didn't fully satisfy her.
scissors17 23
You're a whiner, OP.
poccocurantes 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Deja vu. I hope my ex girlfriend from college is reading this.
xStaciexLynnx 15
What? You got your ex girlfriend pregnant and then refused to make her a ham steak?
poccocurantes 7
Not pregnant, but very hormonal. She did the exact same thing though.
Sir_drink_alot 20
Consider yourself lucky that she didn't add that your robbing the sofa of it's 'purpose' in life of being a sofa by not sitting on it, make the mother of your child a sandwich, it isn't that hard... Google it if you must
gracehi 33
That's so weird that you bring up that FML because I was just thinking about that FML today. Have you ever been thinking about a song and then that very some song begins playing on the radio? That happens to me all the time. I wonder if I'm some kind of frivolous entertainment clairvoyant.
emeraldmaz 9
I've had it happen to me quite a lot with repeat episodes of TV shows...
ulissey_fml 22
Taht's what you should expect when you Meat Loa'V
sleepywaterpony 5
No.
ulissey_fml 22
As long as the baby comes to no ham, making love during pregancy is good for the two of you !
cupcakechick 17
they didnt have sex, they just fooled around, and no its not the same
buzzinbee222 4
It can be the same. All rectangles are squares but not all squares are rectangles. All sex can be defined as fooling around but not all fooling around can be defined as sex.
conqueror57 11
You have that backward: all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares.
RedD12 3
88 what would you know about sex. For a second I thought I was looking at a gremlin. FYL.
firefly319 7
I'm unsure why this is an FML. That's pregnancy for you. If this irritates you, you're going to a hell of a time as cravings get weirder.
Grauncho 27
Don't worry. That's just part of the foreplay.