Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in three months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML
Today, a few weeks after my ex dumped me and I'd just started to get over it, she asked me to get her pregnant. We had sex once within the year we were dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my ex told me she got pregnant from when I was comforting her when her mother died. We were still friends, so I went to her house and held her while she cried. One thing led to another and we began fucking like rabbits. I was gonna propose to my girlfriend next month. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
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Top comments
Sfaizi24 17
MAKE HER A HAM STEAK
Jeffo193 13
If she's pregnant, you're going to be doing a lot of this stuff. A friend of mine craved pickled gerkhins (dill pickles) dipped in ice cream when she was pregnant, and burst into tears when she smelled a bad smell...
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Comments (179)
Nitrogenica 6
I'm guessing you've never been pregnant. I'm also guessing you didn't read the FML too well. Where was the screaming? Where was the acting like a total bitch?
ancientshadow1 2
She's pregnant
jewelz1012 11
What the hell is a ham steak!?!
Nwthatzfunny 9
sex will be sex
HyvaaPaskaan 3
Be a man and handle the hormones that I'm assuming you helped bring on.
AgentSmith79 9
Tell her you'll put your meat in her buns and make a sandwich.
asm9296 3
It's because you're not married to her.
Akay4 14
Well did you make her it?
golliboy 6
am i the only one wondering wtf a ham steak is?
BrashlyHonest20 4
lol yeah... i wonder as well. Could have just meant pork steak.
Sandnblood 4
That was my first thought.
QMord 2
Make her a sammich!