Work: Today, a woman kindly asked if she might take a photo of her... - FML

By jasonvanr - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, a woman kindly asked if she might take a photo of her son in our cowboy boots. Thinking it couldn't do much harm, I agreed. Ten minutes later there was a butt naked three year-old and his entire family taking pictures in my shoe store. My manager wasn't impressed. FML

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Out of it

What a charmer

Targeted

By Anonymous

Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML

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By UsuallyaUnicornbread - United States - Morrisville

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

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By geli

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

To each their own

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

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By bass - United States

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to slowly explain to my slightly ditzy roommate that no, I will not grow testicles due to taking testosterone supplements. FML

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By bbedlock - Australia

Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

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By Leyla - Canada - Brampton

Get ready to rumble!

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

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By piercingfreak - New Zealand

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

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By headache - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend and I performed a rap to our whole school. The rap was "made up" by our friend. After the performance, a lot of friends asked me why I did a rap from Hannah Montana. Apparently the rap was off of a show for 8 year olds. We are 17 and people think we watch Hannah Montana. FML

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By Medfail - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

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By shopper242 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

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By lectro - France

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

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By ineedalife - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

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By 404: fuck not given - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

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By robzzz - Canada

Stuck

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

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By can't breathe - Australia

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Bodyshaming

Today, my coworker doesn't want to go to lunch with me anymore, after I lost a load of weight in lockdown and she's still "overweight." Apparently, I've "changed, and not the same person." FML

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By justlittleoldme - United States - Sarona

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

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By MrDisgrace

Today, my mom bitched me out in front of my friends because I had my first kiss at "such a young age". She's 15 years older than me. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel - Netanya

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

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By I’m a boy - 9/3/2021 05:01

The step after egg mode

Today, I was told that because I have an anime profile picture, I’m obviously extremely ugly in real life. I’m not ugly, I’m trans. FML

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By ahhahaha - United States

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

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By Kit2019 - United States

Today, I got overly excited because someone texted me, but then realized that moments before, I had sent myself a message. FML

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By dusty

Today I picked my baby up from my babysitter's house. As I was getting him ready for bed, I saw blood and immediately went into a panic, rushing to the hospital and trying to contact her to see if my baby fell and she didn't tell me. Turns out it was just hot Cheeto dust mixed with drool. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winona

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

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By GnatEater

Kinky.

Today, I made a horrific discovery; the months-long gnat epidemic in my spotlessly clean home has been emanating from my coffee pot. They've been procreating inside it all this time. I use it every day. FML

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By DamnMyOvaries - United States - Groves

Today, I fainted in the lunch line at school due to extreme period cramps, and ended up having to get seven stitches on my face. This is the third time I've fainted because of my period this year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 09:02 - United States - Cody

Those assholes are everywhere!

Today, I found out my wife's sister is an antivaxxer, and my wife is headed that way too. Our first baby is due next February. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

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By Brad - Canada

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

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Top comments

By breedles | 28

#6602174 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 17:54

That's a mixture between horrifying and immensely amusing.

By ryan9395 | 12

#6602167 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 17:51

Sounds like his girlfriend will have plenty of blackmail photos when he gets older! Lol

COMMENTS

By ryan9395 | 12

#6602167 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 17:51

Sounds like his girlfriend will have plenty of blackmail photos when he gets older! Lol

Reply

metalcrazed | 21

#6602359 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 21:15

That's really creepy.

By orangejubejube | 20

#6602168 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 17:51

Oh my...

By JocelynKaulitz | 28

#6602169 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 17:51

The naked cowboy strikes again.

Reply

jake_braves | 25

#6602437 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 23:12

Hahaha! #3. Crazy...I've seen the naked cowgirl in NYC...but this is horrific OP. I'm so sorry.

By swag_bear | 18

#6602172 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 17:52

Well that was wild. Did you have any authority to tell them to leave the store?

By breedles | 28

#6602174 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 17:54

That's a mixture between horrifying and immensely amusing.

By corky1992 | 33

#6602176 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 17:58

You deserved it. That's why you always ask the manager before you allow a customer to do something that doesn't normally happen inside the work place.

Reply

fakedsincerity | 32

#6602217 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 18:55

You're right.
The OP should have anticipated the kid would get butt naked in public.

Oh wait, no that's ridiculous.

Reply

MilkyWay95 | 13

#6602322 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 20:32

you mean you've never tried on shoes in a store? that's probably what the OP thought they meant and the pictures were to people elsewhere to vote on which look best...neither of those things are ridiculously uncommon..

Reply

corky1992 | 33

#6602333 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 20:45

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By andrmac | 25

#6602183 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 18:17

What happened to no pants no service?

Reply

orangejubejube | 20

#6602195 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 18:36

No shirt, no shoes, pants optional xD

By soodytheboi | 23

#6602189 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 18:23

How does an innocent picture get to that? That's super messed up.

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6602208 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 18:51

You're in customer service though, had you refused and the customer got offended you might have been written up..

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6602234 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 19:19

The customer is always right.

By Brandi_Faith | 33

#6602237 - Tuesday 10 May 2016 19:24

"Suddenly there was a butt naked three-year-old and his entire family..."
Almost makes it sound like they all got naked. Now that would be a whole lot worse than just the 3 yr old! Lol.