Transportation: Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match... - FML

22/01/2015 10:40 - Germany - Darmstadt

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 916

You deserved it 2 660

Late term

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Marriage doesn't solve anything

23/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 047

You deserved it 4 143

Man vs. Wild

By Marjo86 - 27/09/2019 20:00

Today, I got stung by a hornet. I asked my mum to pass me my allergy medication, but she refused, because they were my brother's, saying "he's allergic to bees and wasps!" No mum, wrong kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 910

You deserved it 93

24/10/2012 11:14 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 923

You deserved it 2 658

24/10/2009 17:14 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 896

You deserved it 3 120

14/02/2017 15:00 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was at a house-warming party and my friend was in her kitchen making drinks. When I was almost done with my drink, I went to take the last gulp and saw three mouse turds stuck to the inside bottom of the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 696

You deserved it 520

Sounds like a keeper, actually

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 1 179

08/01/2019 20:00

Today, it's my birthday. My father didn't get me a birthday present or do anything for me, and acted as though he only came to visit because it was expected. Yet when it was his birthday a couple months ago, he expected me to take him out and pay for it FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 204

Baby mama drama

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 14:02

Today, I kind of wished I'd never become a stepmom. I didn't know what I was getting into. When one of the kids' moms stops making life hard, the other picks up. I love the kids with all my heart, but it's starting to hurt me. I can't give 100% because I'm reminded I'm "not their real mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 170

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 587

You deserved it 3 638

Kids is hard work

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 22:59

Today, I told my husband I wanted to make him happy by giving him a baby. He told me either I can make him happy, or I can give him a baby, but I can’t do both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 702

Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 12:01 - United States - Longmont

Today, I looked at cute baby clothes while my friend was in the check-out line at JC Penny. It made me want to cry. I'm almost 33, childless, and so unattractive I couldn't pay someone to be into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 167

30/11/2011 10:53 - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 101

You deserved it 2 418

20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 9 826

20/09/2018 13:30

Today, despite having long hair and wearing makeup and a dress, I was still mistaken for a man several times. I'm a girl and I was born a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 935

You deserved it 185

07/09/2015 15:49 - United States - Bradenton

Today, I was sitting in a bar telling some young dude to accept responsibility for his life choices. I'm over 50 and was spending my last five dollars on beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 573

You deserved it 25 574

08/04/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 038

You deserved it 243 574

19/10/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 583

You deserved it 17 205

Try to do a nice thing…

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 04:01 - United States

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 116

08/09/2012 04:47 - United States - Levittown

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 985

You deserved it 3 615

Dr Who

By llamaborn - 05/04/2021 14:00

Today, at the age of 21, I learned that the phrase, “A stitch in time saves nine” is not about traveling back in time and saving nine people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 655

04/10/2009 20:31 - United States

Today, I moved out of my parents basement. After I hugged my parents I walked out the door only to remember I left my phone in the kitchen. I open the door and see my parents dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 124

You deserved it 14 040

09/08/2010 13:24 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 800

You deserved it 14 763

Method acting

By Anonymous - 27/05/2010 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 710

You deserved it 34 312

Where is this kid now?

By randa - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 052

You deserved it 16 911

09/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 894

You deserved it 5 162

Women shouldn't fart?

By single again - 06/04/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 2 862

15/01/2013 00:21 - Canada - Corner Brook

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 504

You deserved it 3 403

26/01/2017 08:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was having sex with an ex when he whispered in my ear, "Who's my baby?" I, being very bad at dirty talk, said, "You." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 525

You deserved it 1 541

The UK is a mess

By Zeruda - 16/10/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the metropolitan police told women to "flag a bus" if we don't feel safe with a lone male officer. Because that'll work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 74

03/05/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 749

You deserved it 20 939

09/07/2009 19:17 - Canada

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 517

You deserved it 3 674

03/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 126

You deserved it 8 000

07/06/2011 10:27 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I see that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 990

You deserved it 3 638

Recognize this?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 02:42 - United States - Rock Island

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 309

You deserved it 19 728

10/11/2015 05:52 - United States

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 064

You deserved it 3 749

03/06/2011 01:01

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 973

You deserved it 3 944

Who talks to you like that at work?

By marie - 28/03/2021 11:02

Today, I decided to listen to some music at work, so I plugged in my headphones and turned on Spotify. Only the music decided to play out loud instead. I was called a “disrespectful little bitch who wasn’t raised right” for not using my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 169

27/07/2017 06:30 - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 074

You deserved it 307

02/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I was taking a group shot with my friends when I asked a stranger to take the picture for us. He backed up and told us to squish closer together, and when he was at least 20 feet away, he turned and ran off with my camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 109

You deserved it 18 463

Let me sleep!

By ineed sleep!!! - 22/10/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument when I suggested we start sleeping in separate rooms. He thinks I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I’m madly in love with him, but he snores like a freight train and thrashes like a fucking Ninja Turtle all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 227

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:56

He just wanted some warmth and was being resourceful. Don't be so selfish OP, you should have offered up your hair to him anyway.

King_paradox 22

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Taking saying "you're on fire" to the next level

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:51

I bet your hair was no match for that match.

TanJew 10

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 1:48

Very punny of you ;) I guess you could say OP was a LITle upset.

Vickeh 15

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Burn baby burn... disco inferno

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 2:44

*Burn baby burn, that hobo's a pyro.

King_paradox 22

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Taking saying "you're on fire" to the next level

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 3:44

Let's hope it was the hair on OP's head, fire crotch also comes to mind.

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 3:47

no, let's hope OP didn't have hairspray in her hair

hekinokuroihi 20

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:54

Maybe he's a pyromaniac and that's why he's homeless?

thevelociraptor 31

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 2:25

I'm not homeless (:

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 4:43

Damn dude, did you just get laid?

thevelociraptor 31

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 7:36

I meant I'm a pyro and not homeless, gosh.

cole_tyler42 21

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:55

Should have let him do it. Then you could light him on fire using your hair.

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:56

He just wanted some warmth and was being resourceful. Don't be so selfish OP, you should have offered up your hair to him anyway.

arachnophile 13

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:56

I feel there's a lot more to this story that we need to know.

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 0:57

There really isn't much left to tell, OP's hair was used as a unique substitute for firewood.

arachnophile 13

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 1:14

I guess I'm curious if OP was just standing there and the homeless guy tried to do it, or if OP was approached with the opportunity to be kindling before an attempt was made.

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 5:00

whats to know? homeless people get bored too. they just cant afford to watch netflix on the couch. so 20 minutes of someone running around screaming "my hair is on fire!!!" is the best thing they got

Darkness_Hate 29

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 1:00

Some people just want to see the world burn.

XxXBadAshXxX 27

Friday 23 January 2015 2:14

Or people

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 4:41

or just hair....

netflixislove 32

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 1:03

Hopefully he didn't succeed

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 5:01

hopefully he did. and someone video taped it.

Send a private message

Friday 23 January 2015 1:05

"She's just a girl and she's on fire, hotter than a fantasy..." I'm sorry, hope you're ok

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 97

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 130