Kids: Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 48

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 27

22/07/2015 04:58

Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 530

You deserved it 2 282

Batman

The smell detective is on the case

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

07/12/2018 16:00

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 832

You deserved it 187

31/01/2012 20:36

Spicy

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 165

You deserved it 9 855

15/06/2013 07:32

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 140

You deserved it 4 305

17/01/2012 17:04

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 521

You deserved it 3 582

28/10/2011 02:49

Spicy

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 985

You deserved it 5 736

03/01/2010 12:00

Today, I handed my friend a $50. I paid her to take care of my farm on Farmville, feed my fish on Fishville, and flip my burgers on Cafe World, while I went on vacation for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 474

You deserved it 67 508

Pizzzaaaaaaa

By muzikmaler91 - 15/03/2012 09:45

Today, I called Pizza Hut to order a pizza. A voice recording was reading me their specials. The man had a horrible country accent so I began to make fun of it. Then I realized it was an actual person on the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 511

You deserved it 49 920

04/10/2011 05:22

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 794

You deserved it 44 004

27/11/2015 17:55

Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 825

You deserved it 1 413

High school drama

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 20:00

Today, I went to the mall with friends. I'd ditched other friends in order to go out with these friends. At the table next to me was an ex, and on the top floor were the other friends I'd ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 1 463

16/04/2013 23:21

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 431

You deserved it 8 040

26/04/2009 04:35

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 048

You deserved it 3 831

01/05/2015 14:24

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 657

You deserved it 12 453

01/02/2010 20:56

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 917

You deserved it 28 531

The Groucho Marx of Zoom

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 21:30

Today, I was on a work call when my coworker made an accidental Freudian slip. Thinking I was muted, I muttered, "That’s what she said." I wasn’t muted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 863

02/06/2018 01:30

Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 020

You deserved it 461

Can't choose

By Blackmailed - 21/09/2021 17:00

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was cool, until I found out that the HR recruiter was my mother-in-law. She told me that the work was mine if I break up with her daughter. I have until the next Wednesday to think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 71

Stay awake

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 15:10

Today, I read an article about how sleeping on your stomach makes you look older. That's the only way I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 152

07/11/2008 21:02

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 150

You deserved it 27 484

27/10/2016 14:18

Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 762

You deserved it 610

16/11/2010 07:13

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 867

You deserved it 4 080

21/05/2009 00:11

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 545

You deserved it 63 466

16/07/2013 01:42

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 322

You deserved it 23 545

25/09/2015 18:45

Spicy

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 586

You deserved it 2 960

12/11/2012 21:20

Spicy

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 026

You deserved it 3 203

13/02/2012 07:09

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 791

You deserved it 5 019

17/10/2009 11:13

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 028

You deserved it 2 387

21/11/2015 00:59

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 047

You deserved it 2 726

03/06/2013 04:31

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 312

You deserved it 7 293

15/08/2014 21:35

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 892

You deserved it 56 360

19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 262

You deserved it 619

12/03/2009 19:49

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 536

You deserved it 23 913

09/11/2009 22:27

Today, I went to have my eyebrows waxed for the first time. After signing in the receptionist looked at me and said "Lip wax?". I told her no, my eyebrows. She sat me down and the waxer walked up, took one look at me and said "Lip wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 057

You deserved it 9 989

05/11/2017 05:00

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 583

You deserved it 361

26/06/2011 20:47

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 437

You deserved it 28 136

23/06/2014 13:56

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 877

You deserved it 5 274

05/10/2010 21:01

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 658

You deserved it 34 725

25/07/2009 21:14

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 798

You deserved it 26 160

16/03/2010 23:08

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me. In my opinion, the relationship was going so well and I really thought we loved each other. When I asked why, he told me he never loved me. He just wanted to get in my pants which after a year of refusing, he finally did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 5 856

21/10/2015 11:18

Spicy

Today, at work, I had a crease in my pants. Everyone thought I had a boner. Later in the day, when I actually had one, no one could tell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 012

You deserved it 4 676

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:50

Sounds like he ate the evidence.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:52

I'm just wondering what type of person is actually cheap enough to avoid paying for a sandwich.

Comments

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:50

Sounds like he ate the evidence.

4WheelBurnout 14

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 20:56

Yes, the delicious evidence

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Thursday 23 July 2015 5:04

This is what cameras are for

limegreenpoopie 31

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:50

Oh the joys of working in a restaurant.

nutella4life 14

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:51

Sorry, OP. some people can be dicks.

nonsensical 26

Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:52

I'm imagining a sandwich all dressed up nice and fancy, when little did it know it was gonna be eaten that day...

jerryj 27

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Thursday 23 July 2015 6:56

Bow-tie & fame.

therealjc_fml 14

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:52

Oh the service industry and joy of catering to assholes! Good times.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:52

I'm just wondering what type of person is actually cheap enough to avoid paying for a sandwich.

demonte_jones 19

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 17:13

Mr. Krabs?

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 18:00

An idiot.

RedPillSucks 31

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 18:30

mean people who like to game the system

negb 30

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 20:02

Apparently quite a few. We had a man demand a refund for his sandwich cause apparently it had hair in it. He also apparently bought 3 but only brought 1 back so we only gave him the refund for the 1. Later on, we realized he took it out of our cooler and then came to the till to complain so he never actually bought it (or the 2 others).

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 22:08

15 Nailed it

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:53

Do you work at Quiznos?

XxDanno316xX 27

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 15:57

He's a thief op, don't worry tho, karma will come for him.

leogachi 15

Wednesday 22 July 2015 16:03

Are there no security cameras? And what did your manager have to say about this?

Mimi12589_fml 10

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Thursday 23 July 2015 6:27

I don't know about your laws but in my country you don't have the right to use the cameras to prove your point, only the cops can. (I work in a clothes shop) I don't think calling the cops for a sandwich is worth it...

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Thursday 23 July 2015 22:00

That's the most ridiculous law I've heard of.

Mimi12589_fml 10

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Friday 24 July 2015 14:42

Yeah I agree, as much as the one that says you can't look in someone's bag if the person "rings" at the exit.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 16:08

I hate people who do this