By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 08:58 - United States

Ties that bind

Today, I offered to give my ex a ride home from work. He and I ended on good terms years ago, we just aren't compatible with each other. I dropped him off and not ten seconds later, he came back out looking sick. His fiancee was inside having sex with MY new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2274

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Innocent

Sweet dude

By liLbob6598 - United States

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47861

You deserved it

2624

Tweet

Share

By guamfml - Guam

Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

211881

You deserved it

10889

Tweet

Share

By Az - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29804

You deserved it

2369

Tweet

Share

By Gustav Fjorder - Switzerland

Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39765

You deserved it

10253

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26603

You deserved it

6855

Tweet

Share

By sam

Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28086

You deserved it

2224

Tweet

Share

By piss off - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

19723

You deserved it

3161

Tweet

Share

By xxlenalunaxx - United States

Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29492

You deserved it

4246

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51976

You deserved it

4164

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34700

You deserved it

4305

Tweet

Share

By beachedwhale21 - 22/6/2020 05:01

Always save to the cloud!

Today, I finally finished typing up a story I had been working on for about 7 months, saved it on my computer and left to hang with friends. Came home later to find my dad had sold my laptop in order to pay his phone bill. My hard work is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1808

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By sal - United States - Rexburg

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54637

You deserved it

3995

Tweet

Share

By steven - Cayman Islands

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

100974

You deserved it

7260

Tweet

Share

By mrmr - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34438

You deserved it

3003

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Apeldoorn

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38477

You deserved it

7485

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26437

You deserved it

2946

Tweet

Share

By WhatsThatSmell - Australia

Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35741

You deserved it

4492

Tweet

Share

By Heartbroken - Australia

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25230

You deserved it

5588

Tweet

Share

By _guy_j - United States - Glendora

Today, my brother got a job as an Uber driver. Now, whenever I need a ride from him, he insists I pay him money through the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24163

You deserved it

3322

Tweet

Share

By Buzzie - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32363

You deserved it

14305

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47390

You deserved it

8650

Tweet

Share

By superhero1043 - United States

Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28495

You deserved it

5188

Tweet

Share

By littlemissignored - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49702

You deserved it

7081

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35882

You deserved it

3552

Tweet

Share

By cockroach - United States

Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41210

You deserved it

16682

Tweet

Share

By klm878 - United States

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10946

You deserved it

37642

Tweet

Share

By fmlfmboyfriendah - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40781

You deserved it

19835

Tweet

Share

By WanstinChurchHill - United States

Today, I met a nice girl and decided to ask her out. Later on she showed me a picture of her with her family, she was wearing red and everyone else black. I said jokingly "you look like the adopted child" only to find out that her had parents died and she was indeed adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18307

You deserved it

41133

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33743

You deserved it

2703

Tweet

Share

By LennyComa

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5481

You deserved it

905

Tweet

Share

By Guitar-ZERO - United States

Today, my band had a show. We played a love song, and during the bridge, I ask out a friend of mine who was in the crowd, over the mic, in front of at least 200 people. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54298

You deserved it

22206

Tweet

Share

By CaeliLady - United States

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36929

You deserved it

6341

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Wheaton

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30076

You deserved it

2506

Tweet

Share

By Nosmie

Today, the worst part about not having a sense of smell is that I can’t tell if anyone ate pizza without me. Unless I see an empty box in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1576

You deserved it

225

Tweet

Share

By lukey_G - United States

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14548

You deserved it

81022

Tweet

Share

By onlyme - United States

Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10396

You deserved it

34573

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Thanks

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29359

You deserved it

1670

Tweet

Share

By VDM - France - Poissy

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66478

You deserved it

8205

Tweet

Share

By ewwgross - United States

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38074

You deserved it

3638

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31798

You deserved it

2931

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Charlie Given | 23

#7947983 - Tuesday 27 October 2020 14:40

Ouch for both of ya that's some bullshit

By Bogrbon | 20

#7948016 - Tuesday 27 October 2020 16:55

Well, now you have something else in common. Sorry for the mess and pain. Guess it's better to find out sooner rather than later that they're both cheating assholes.

COMMENTS

By Charlie Given | 23

#7947983 - Tuesday 27 October 2020 14:40

Ouch for both of ya that's some bullshit

By Bogrbon | 20

#7948016 - Tuesday 27 October 2020 16:55

Well, now you have something else in common. Sorry for the mess and pain. Guess it's better to find out sooner rather than later that they're both cheating assholes.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7948017 - Tuesday 27 October 2020 16:59

There's your sign!

You two need to get married.

By suntrkr | 5

#7948025 - Tuesday 27 October 2020 17:29

Wow...small world

By Wadlaen | 19

#7948087 - Tuesday 27 October 2020 23:18

Well, at least you're all staying within the 'family'...

By tounces7 | 27

#7948099 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 0:40

Looks like you're more compatible with him than with the new douchebag you found.

By diraven | 10

#7948121 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 2:58

You need to widen your gene pool

By coius | 20

#7948363 - Wednesday 28 October 2020 23:06

I think I need to paddle faster because I hear banjos. I whats the population of your town? Please tell me it hits at least triple digits, and not in the lower end with everyone’s last name being McGee!