Work: Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my...

By This sucks - 11/10/2017 04:30

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 627

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Same thing different taste

Wiped out

By STIgary - 17/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, while at work, I had to poop. While wiping, I somehow managed to get the back tail of my shirt in between my butthole and the toilet paper, effectively wiping my ass with my white dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 306

By g_unit - 10/12/2009 05:24 - Canada

Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 665

You deserved it 2 616

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 292

By CJ - 12/08/2016 01:02 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 185

You deserved it 2 315

By lifesucks0925 - 06/09/2013 07:01 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 794

You deserved it 2 818

Sneaky

By Shamed - 06/09/2011 08:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 626

You deserved it 4 966

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 082

You deserved it 34 038

By bleu_noir - 14/02/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 617

You deserved it 4 478

TW: Gross

By mpfrost153 - 01/11/2021 12:00 - United States

Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 130

By shewhopoopsinlitterboxes - 25/07/2014 15:54 - United States - Downingtown

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 983

You deserved it 7 665

Lobby_Bee 17

Wednesday 11 October 2017 6:52

In the future, remember to take off your shirt before you use it to wipe your ass with it, or carry extra Kleenex with you.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 11 October 2017 5:51

Too bad you didn’t spring for the deluxe version of the multi-tool that includes a butt plug. You coulda saved your shirt!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 11 October 2017 5:51

Too bad you didn’t spring for the deluxe version of the multi-tool that includes a butt plug. You coulda saved your shirt!

Lobby_Bee 17

Wednesday 11 October 2017 6:52

In the future, remember to take off your shirt before you use it to wipe your ass with it, or carry extra Kleenex with you.

Seeya55 31

Wednesday 11 October 2017 19:02

This doesn't make any sense, he doesn't want more shit on it, he wants no shit at all. Nice try though!

ProperPengTing 15

Wednesday 11 October 2017 7:08

Nothing healthy about any

EnvyMe33 26

Wednesday 11 October 2017 8:32

If you quit ******** your pants then you wouldn’t have this happen to you

Glowworm56 26

Wednesday 11 October 2017 15:05

I'll admit that when I first read this FML, I thought "multitool" was some kind of innuendo.

sweetbliss3 37

Friday 13 October 2017 3:41

uhh. you're how old and don't know how to wipe your ass yet?

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The Top

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 291

You deserved it 72 526

Today, two girls who are in my class tried to talk to me about each other, not knowing the other had already spoken to me. They are best friends, but also hate each other, and seem to have taken me as the one to shit talk to about each other constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 87

The Top

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 140

You deserved it 72 231

Today, my bitch ex has successfully trained our daughter to refer to her second husband as “Dad” and me as Mister, or Sir, or even by my first name a few times. This has to be abuse of some kind, mental anguish, cruel and unusual bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 86

Today, thanks to puberty, I have an acne rash around my mouth. Rumors are already flying around school saying I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 705

You deserved it 946

Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 253

You deserved it 3 289

Today, my son has complex special needs, but apparently some of my deliberately ignorant relatives put no effort into learning more about his issues, and just call him "the retarded one" when they think I can’t hear them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 181

Today, I told my mom that I'm bulimic and have been for a few years, and that I needed help. She responded by saying, "Well that's clearly not working for you. Why don't you try anorexia?" She then patted me on the head, smiled, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 152