Love: Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in...

By Cpm - 01/12/2009 01:55 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 440

You deserved it 5 066

Love

Broken heart

Dementia or hate? You decide

Power tripping

By Planes, Trains and Automobiles - 15/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boss selected me to be the company representative at an important meeting in Portland with one of our biggest clients. I was thrilled, until I realized he hadn't said anything about my plane ticket or hotel reservation. He later told me that I'll need to acquire those things myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 896

You deserved it 238

By jkin47 - 04/08/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 600

You deserved it 4 023

By Zanquis - 30/12/2016 19:04

Today, I got stuck with a water damaged kitchen. The manufactor says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 100

You deserved it 198

By Not-pregnant - 20/04/2014 17:21 - United States - Melbourne

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 550

You deserved it 4 866

By stinky breath - 15/07/2014 21:24 - United States - Whittier

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 581

You deserved it 6 570

By LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 590

You deserved it 7 820

By thatssickkk - 17/02/2010 06:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 432

You deserved it 2 703

By pist - 13/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was lying in a lawn chair next to my wooden fence when a yellow liquid started spraying me. The neighbor's douchebag son was peeing through the small hole in the fence and soaked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 649

You deserved it 276

By iDisable - 19/06/2011 00:27 - Australia

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to disable my iPod Touch for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, I went to enter my password. I missed a number accidentally. 50 minutes to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 601

You deserved it 30 667

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 824

You deserved it 5 238

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 170

By Katrin - 30/10/2011 19:13 - Norway

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 3 472

By car - 21/08/2010 05:25 - Australia

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 652

You deserved it 4 084

By somethingblue - 16/09/2013 21:11 - United States - Lowell

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 078

You deserved it 3 384

Now hiring

By BossLady - 05/01/2022 08:01

Today, it's my first day as the boss, after waiting months for this promotion. Today is also the day my replacement, who I trained for three months, quit. Now I've got two jobs for the price of one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 86

By easily amused - 12/10/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 960

You deserved it 4 449

By vegas-81 - 10/02/2014 03:39 - France

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 532

You deserved it 16 388

By Em - 15/10/2009 06:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 246

You deserved it 3 609

Times have changed

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 22:58

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 420

By Smokey9 - 25/07/2011 15:12 - United States

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 579

You deserved it 62 410

By Natalie - 14/07/2012 16:46 - United States - Odessa

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 894

You deserved it 2 219

By fuckyouharddad - 15/04/2014 19:24 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 433

You deserved it 6 585

Great family you've got there

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 14:01

Today, my wife, who recently had cancer, made an offhand comment that my 30-year-old sister took offense to. Instead of saying something, she went and called our parents. My dad then called and yelled at me for 5 minutes about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 111

By Miki13 - 11/11/2012 20:27 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 862

You deserved it 1 707

By vividrabbit - 12/07/2009 13:29 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 818

You deserved it 4 977

By skyhigh - 13/01/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 673

You deserved it 3 305

Good enough reason

By Anonymous - 17/05/2017 20:00

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 064

You deserved it 448

By sadkid - 25/09/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 820

You deserved it 4 376

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 01:53 - United States

Today, instead of watching a movie like a normal family, we performed random acts of kindness by handing out roses to total strangers in the freezing cold. No one would take them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 502

You deserved it 6 132

Denied

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 02:02

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 328

Jimin causing drama time!

By Callie - 06/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 114

By EpicBunBun - 10/05/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He had stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 169

You deserved it 692

By Andrew - 30/10/2012 06:08 - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 908

You deserved it 46 411

By dudewheresmywheelschicago - 20/09/2016 05:14 - United States - Danville

Today, I had the most Chicago experience ever. While I was eating my delicious, deep dish pizza, someone was ripping the rims off my car 15 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 602

You deserved it 1 015

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. My manager found Facebook pictures of me drinking underage at a party. He said he didn't want "that kind of image" associated with the business. It was his birthday party. He supplied the booze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 185

You deserved it 20 401

By FenderBender - 03/09/2009 04:54 - Canada

Today, I was driving home from work and noticed the car behind me was tailgating me pretty badly. I was starting to get angry with the driver, and kept glancing in my rear view mirror at him. While I was doing so, the traffic ahead of me stopped, and I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 488

You deserved it 43 482

By konichiwa - 02/11/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 821

You deserved it 34 519

By DEDMan - 28/10/2018 17:30

Today, I found out that my 6-year-old son was named after my wife's "Favorite Uncle" because he might also be the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 888

You deserved it 204

In the words of Shaggy...

By WasntMe - 28/05/2018 20:30

Today, my husband went through my phone and computer, accusing me of cheating. Baffled and hurt by the untrue accusation, I asked what he found that made him think that. He replied, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Apparently, no evidence IS evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 805

You deserved it 229

By justmylife - 21/08/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years called my house even though I was with him at the time. He needed to talk to my mom. He asked her to break up with me for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 653

You deserved it 3 121

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Top comments

RyeBreadBoy 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:14

This can't be true. Everybody knows that girls don't poop. :P

gozar_fml 1

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:45

You should sit on her lap and drop one between her legs. After that she will always close the door and lock it.

RyeBreadBoy 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:14

This can't be true. Everybody knows that girls don't poop. :P

ILIEKGIRLS 5

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 12:21

then what does "stick it in her pooper" mean? :>

sdcrazy1018 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 15:28

Mmhmmm. Quote from Katie in Horton Hears a Who....girls "eat rainbows and poop butterflies" nuf said

suaveneanderthal 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 18:32

next time she does this, grab her up off the toilet, shove your dick in her ass hopefully as a nice big log is coming out then continue to fuck her until your cock is covered in her shit, then get her on her knees and facefuck her till you orgasm. and it'll never happen again.

Masenko7 12

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 19:38

HA HA FUCKIN HA!! made my day!xD

Xrandomkrisx 7

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 2:07

hahah omg thats horrible! but so funny

Meme1988 18

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 16:07

u r sick!

rachbat00 0

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:39

Haha good one

johnwin 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:18

lol, pretty big hurdle if u ask me.

GnaR_KiLL5150 12

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Thursday 21 August 2014 2:05

That's romance baby, welcome to the rest of your relationship

GodOfBeer 5

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:19

repost? either was the same or genders reversed

fruitschinpo 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 16:40

ikr ! it's reposted but genders rseversed !

Horde 8

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:23

Wow, big deal. There should be a "not a FML" button on this site

DameGreyWulf 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:29

I suggested something similar, but was told it would overcomplicate things. Though I think I get why this is an FML... perhaps she said the next step stuff and he assumed something bigger, but his hopes literally went to shit?

blastvortex 3

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 15:06

Actually, what this site really needs is a "So what?" button. @OP: Accidents happen, and so does this shit. Can it.

avoidthegirl 6

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 18:10

I vote for a "boo-freakin'-hoo" button.

expen_dable 0

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Wednesday 2 December 2009 1:49

ugh, of course there was a "you are just so immature! MY boyfriend and I LOVE to watch each other shit because we are just so mature!" comment right away

Subtext 10

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Thursday 3 December 2009 4:08

And I always thought the next step would be farting in front of each other...

Blood_Rose_Intox 3

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Saturday 30 April 2011 7:04

I agree, a "boo-freakin'-hoo" button sounds like a good idea.

aero_fml 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:27

Boo hoo. ^Also agree with #4^

IMB916 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:30

EWWW. I would NEVER want to be in that kind of relationship. Just, ew. shit is not sexy

waterynuggets 0

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 9:31

Good luck dating someone who doesn't shit. I mean, it could happen, I guess. Lulz. Just close the door when you walk by, goddamn it's not that big of a deal.

QTp13 10

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Tuesday 1 December 2009 11:37

@ # 9 IMB916 should date someone who is bulimic - voila! problem solved for him @ OP: That is too funny. Us girls can really do silly things sometimes. FYL