Health: Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your... - FML

By DaggerHole - 06/03/2014 14:54 - Australia

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 060

You deserved it 16 427

Sorry sweaty, my brain is melting

Holy smokes

Cogs in the machine

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 23:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 733

You deserved it 3 671

By dead rats - 08/08/2016 13:58

Today, I had a terrible stomach ache and had some pretty bad gas at work. I tried to head down to the basement for a while to allow my coworkers to continue in peace. About an hour after I came back up, my boss called pest control due to the horrible smell that "must be dead rats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 622

You deserved it 1 294

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, I had a really important meeting for my career. The guy I was supposed to be meeting was driving from across the state, and it was supposed to begin at noon. It's now 4. What if I leave and he shows up after having driven across the state? I don't dare move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 147

By Katie - 13/12/2012 18:00 - United States

Today, my best friend told me about a vicious rumor that's going around, saying I contracted a horrible STD. I asked her if she told everyone it was a lie. She said no, because the rumor is apparently "way too funny to ruin." Maybe it's time for new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 107

You deserved it 2 598

By oink401 - 05/11/2011 15:40 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend came to my house crying because the guy who she has been cheating on me with doesn't want to be with her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 843

You deserved it 4 355

By SweetFA - 20/08/2009 00:01 - Canada

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 459

You deserved it 17 116

By Anonymous - 14/08/2009 04:35 - Australia

Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with her sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she says, "Ha! Sucker!" She didn't look so cute anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 156

You deserved it 7 429

By doubleCoupon - 24/06/2014 18:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 470

You deserved it 5 549

By henhouse - 18/07/2015 11:09 - Australia - Brunswick East

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 988

You deserved it 3 647

By thelandofoz - 14/10/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 7 640

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 264

You deserved it 17 185

By auto boogie man - 19/11/2015 16:44 - United States - New York

Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 930

You deserved it 2 129

By catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 075

You deserved it 4 415

By yeshehaspornaddiction - 02/07/2013 04:37 - United Kingdom - Derby

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 861

You deserved it 13 357

No balls activity

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

Spicy

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that thing away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 672

You deserved it 632

By ripdivine - 24/02/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 265

You deserved it 56 428

By rbeast - 21/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 623

You deserved it 4 144

By Anonymous - 19/07/2012 04:55 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 837

You deserved it 80 771

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 00:00 - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 164

You deserved it 1 518

Mr. Nice Guy

By kate9871 - 04/10/2019 02:00

Today, while driving home, a jeep hit the back of my car. When I got home and told my boyfriend, he acted concerned but still wanted to know what was for dinner. I think I have whiplash, can't stop shaking from the shock and he's practically already waiting at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 311

By sadface - 18/08/2011 00:23 - Canada

Today, I finally got over the knee injury that has been holding back my military application for 6 months. They sent me to the optometrist, who said my eyes were too bad for service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 737

You deserved it 3 092

By nyx - 27/09/2014 08:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 474

You deserved it 3 668

By NickC - 28/11/2009 10:16 - Malaysia

Today, after burning all my past-papers, books and notes in celebration of finishing maths forever, I found out I have to re-take my maths exam to get the minimum grade for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 224

You deserved it 50 449

By working_as_usual - 08/10/2012 00:09 - United States - Valencia

Today, I was telling my co-workers about how I'd gotten tickets to a concert in a few days. My boss overheard. Later, he told me I now have to work on the night of the concert. However, he was kind enough to offer to buy the tickets off me for half of what I'd paid for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 506

You deserved it 2 593

By Miguel - 20/08/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 238

You deserved it 5 611

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 946

You deserved it 13 929

By Danny - 11/11/2012 05:05 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 344

You deserved it 3 273

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 711

You deserved it 5 918

By niii - 26/11/2008 04:26 - France

Spicy

Today, as I often do, I had sex in my old car. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we're still living with our parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 133

You deserved it 13 956

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 844

You deserved it 19 133

Symphony

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 394

You deserved it 5 184

By Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends - 12/01/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 123

You deserved it 3 184

Geyser Söze

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 14:01

Today, I found out why my B&B host looked so pissed this morning. I remember having too much red wine and puking out the window last night. Turns out the lampshade underneath the window spread my puke all over the freshly painted wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 1 841

Selfish

By Anon - 10/10/2011 15:24 - Canada

Today, my mom yelled at me because I refused to lend her money. The reason I won't lend her money? The last time I did, she and my dad went out and bought a Macbook and a new car instead of paying bills. Apparently, I'm being 'selfish' by keeping my own money and putting it towards university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 888

You deserved it 2 608

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:04 - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 235

You deserved it 8 318

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 10:12 - United Kingdom

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 882

You deserved it 49 564

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 02:06 - Canada

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 684

You deserved it 7 342

By Icy - 01/10/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 652

You deserved it 3 698

By pistonchamp159 - 28/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 628

You deserved it 9 910

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 21:12 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 516

You deserved it 2 391

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 17:59

Should have chosen "truth". On the other hand, I'm sure you have a sexy five o'clock shadow now. Too bad it's where the sun don't shine.

metallica_wins 20

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 17:59

Wax, definitely should've waxed.

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 17:58

what a shitty situation amirite

Infamous_Tora 12

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:00

... Not even in this FML is that saying justified. Please, show yourself the door.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:06

No. No you are not.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:10

No, you are not right.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:54

I don't bother with downvoting anymore, trolls are gonna troll. I've learned to expect these comments, and accept the troll as a member of a community, in the hopes that one day, the beast may become tamed.

metallica_wins 20

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 17:59

Wax, definitely should've waxed.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 19:00

I agree nothing like a smooth ass and the cool breeze that follows

panicsdisaster 17

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 19:20

even a waxing grows back into stubble?

booze_n_bitches 35

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 19:54

No it's the soft hair tips that emerge after waxing, not the sharp cut ends after shaving that are so itchy!

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 21:39

Unless they are allergic to wax, it'll be worst.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 22:24

I've had a fear of waxing ever since The 40-year-old Virgin came out. That waxing scene is ruthless!

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 23:21

That movie was disturbing. @OP, could be worse, a rash due to razor burn would have iced that cake right there.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 17:59

Should have chosen "truth". On the other hand, I'm sure you have a sexy five o'clock shadow now. Too bad it's where the sun don't shine.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:00

I know right

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:00

Time to just keep on shaving...

TheOnlyMizLiv 22

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 19:28

And we can't stop, and we won't stop.

Send a private message

Friday 7 March 2014 8:09

Just keep shaving, shaving, shaving.. What do we do? We. just. shave.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:02

I think the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair is not knowing how to say no.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 22:47

I think the worst part is having to deal with the swamp-ass after that. Men have ass-fros for a reason.

Send a private message

Friday 7 March 2014 18:22

Just, blech.

kewpiesuicide 29

Send a private message

Saturday 8 March 2014 15:18

And that's why I'm a lesbian 62... Ugh

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:03

I have been there, buddy. First is the itchy stage, then the painfully prickly stage.

ThatFancyPenn 18

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 20:54

And then the comfortable half inch stage

Send a private message

Friday 7 March 2014 18:07

I don't get it, I always thought that it would be horribly uncomfortable, but then I actually tried it and I've never had a problem with it.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:06

Ouch!

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 21:48

Are you ok

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 22:56

It's ok, 10 just stubbed her toe.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:07

Just wait until your underwear or jeans pull on those little growing hairs.

chocolatefrog28 29

Send a private message

Thursday 6 March 2014 18:16

And so begins the awkward cycle of extreme manscaping. Godspeed, OP.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 983

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 1 141