Intimacy: Think before you speak

Think before you speak

By Takuma - 20/05/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 575

You deserved it 95 182

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 200

You deserved it 36 689

She definitely heard

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 02:00

Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 1 398

By anonymous - 21/11/2009 08:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 353

You deserved it 2 904

On the fritz

By Slow brain day - 09/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I handed my friend his phone, telling him he'd forgotten it. He responded by taking his phone out of his pocket and showing it to me. I then realized I was holding MY phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 494

Classy

By LAME - 23/02/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, who I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her phone, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 992

You deserved it 12 730

By accidentalslut - 07/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 098

You deserved it 56 178

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 832

You deserved it 373

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 884

You deserved it 40 052

Friends?

By idekwtfigo - 01/05/2022 06:00

Today, I found out that the girl my boyfriend says is "just a good old friend" is actually an "ex that got away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 85

By bg4545 - 24/03/2016 03:39 - United States - Whittier

Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 455

You deserved it 18 573

brontide 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 12:05

It's your ex who should be posting here, not you.

Aelaena 6

Wednesday 20 May 2009 12:06

Woo I detect some jealousy here.

Comments

were_giraffe 2

Wednesday 20 May 2009 14:11

that's rather rude....

doctorskully 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 14:15

This isn't a FML. This is an Epic Win moment. Completely and utterly pwned, even if it wasn't intentional.

Yug_Tnacifingisn 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 14:23

Sounds like you F'd the boyfriend's L...:P You may have F'd his future wife too!!! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt!

Taneer 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 14:27

Dude...That is EPIC. That is the best thing I have heard anyone ever say to their ex in front of her new boyfriend. Congrats.

grlwitperlEring 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 14:35

Thats not really an FML that's actually kind of a really good comeback

beardedlobster 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 14:39

Epic comeback. you won at life (at least for a day).

timebombtown 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 14:54

That was a good burn, but remember...he's the one having sex with her NOW...now that she knows what she is doing. Just something to think about.

cinderelly 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 14:57

typical male.

roflstephh 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 15:04

Not an FML really, I say things like that to my ex all the time. Pretty good comeback though hahaha.

aback 4

Wednesday 20 May 2009 15:08

Hahahaha

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 818

You deserved it 2 837

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 849

You deserved it 7 890

The Top

Today, I was taking the subway home when some entitled fuck called me a "junkie", all because I'm long-haired and have my arms covered in tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 220

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 48

Today, I accidentally slept in two hours later than I was supposed to. Today is my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 222

You deserved it 34 760

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 591

You deserved it 4 782

Today, I'm a closeted trans man, and I feel terrible every time my family calls me "she" or "girl". Help me, I don't know how to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 757

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 637

You deserved it 3 021