Kids: The zoo

The zoo

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 756

You deserved it 8 421

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Mr.P - 21/10/2011 15:35 - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 239

You deserved it 3 272

Do a backflip!

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked out into my backyard. As I did so, my dogs ran past me, slamming the sliding door off its track. I went to catch it, and knocked the bird cage over. To complete the fumble, as I turned to catch the bird cage, I stepped in a dog turd. I wasn't wearing shoes. We're all okay, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 146

Flash, ah ah!

By Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer - 12/10/2022 20:00

Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 279

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 776

You deserved it 51 801

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 996

You deserved it 487

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 453

You deserved it 19 357

Face your fears!

By birdsterrifyme - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 518

You deserved it 4 454

By mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 493

You deserved it 2 978

In my way

By Anonymous - 19/09/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 112

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 903

You deserved it 3 640

24788 6

Sunday 26 April 2009 13:57

I think they planned that one out. Lol owned

SwaggerDownPat 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:48

What exactly was the point of that comment?

Comments

Kirbstomps101 0

Monday 27 April 2009 5:14

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhh!

trixr4kids 0

Monday 27 April 2009 8:16

HAHAHAHA

0 3

Monday 27 April 2009 8:21

Doolittle tried to be a chef before pursuing his PhD.

nismo1212 0

Monday 27 April 2009 10:58

My friend you just got tabble topped! lol parrots are so cool i got 1 (african grey parrot) they are sooo funny they do the stupidest stuff...like myn chases my sister n attacks her (i dont knoe ehy but its funny) also it grts reallllly pissed off when i touch its tail for some reason..o and it takes its shit backwards(walks backwards like a low rider) yea parrots are wak

robinhoood 0

Monday 27 April 2009 12:12

They planned that shit. Diabolical little bastards.

surfr21o7 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:00

are you a pirate?

bubs_AKA_vermin 0

Monday 27 April 2009 23:54

i rofl'd at 69. (lol69) it'd be cool having a parrot. but that one must be the devil's advocate. rofl.

TJStarzZ 8

Tuesday 28 April 2009 21:23

"Aww Polly wanna cracker?" 'No, just your ear, bitch! GET 'EM WOOFY! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NAMING YOUR DOG WOOFY!!'

CrushedX 0

Friday 1 May 2009 3:00

Wtf? If you hit your head on your stove and get knocked unconsious then wake up to write on FML... I would have went to the hospital and have it checked did u wake up with your parrot and dog eating your ears?