Miscellaneous: Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when... - FML

By Mikey - United States

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

There's no helping some people

What?

By IMAWAKE - United States - Romulus

Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML

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By disgusteddaughter - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

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By HoHoSnow - United States

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

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By carl_carl_ - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

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By Grrrreat - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

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By Alyxandrea Loffer - 24/9/2020 01:02 - United States - Ellsworth

Malfunctioning equipment

Today, at work, my front-close bra popped open like an anime character, right in front of the two male coworkers I was talking to. My boobs flung around and I had to pretend nothing happened while subtly crossing my arms and waiting for them to leave so I could fix it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML

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By Kimberlie - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

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By semi-depressed - Canada

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

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By tanya - Canada

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

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By milkymoo - Cyprus

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

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By greaaaatt. - United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

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By holla1787 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

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By kookoocatlady

Today, I kept my cats indoors to be safe on Halloween, making sure to keep the food full and litter boxes clean. After dinner, I got dressed up and spent two hours at a party. When I got home, there was a large, rancid butt-loaf waiting on my bed. Unappreciative little fuckers. FML

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By Ugly_Broke_Medussssssa

Today, while working at my job in a luxury retail store, a woman left me a business card. It was for a plastic surgeon. FML

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By Margo - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Today, I was notified I'm being discharged after 2 weeks because my employers don't have the time to train me at my first real job in 6 years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

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By purrfect :/

Today, my future husband presented me with an engagement ring he had had engraved with the pet name he calls his cat. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

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By GeeThanksMom

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

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By FUCK - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

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By jokersgirl

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

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By Username

Life is a roller coaster

Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

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By Mika_Ookami - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

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By gui909 - France

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

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By Thatgirl

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

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By sucksatlove - United States - Sewell

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

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By mother to an ugly doll - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

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By kinkicali - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

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By blacklove - United States

Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read "it's over". FML

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By littl3storm

Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One of them is my cousin, and she did NOT hold back when telling me her and her fiancé's plans about swinging. FML

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By verasam01 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

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Top comments

By Eresbel | 0

#144287 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:16

Why was she not wearing a bra?

By schizmo | 0

#144276 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:13

dude, that's amazing. F HER life maybe but a high five for you my friend.

COMMENTS

By trailerboy531 | 0

#144262 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:07

FYL?

are you gay?

By JOELY_fml | 0

#144263 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:08

Thats awesome!
i agree with #1
no problems here

By Opacus | 0

#144267 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By venom7 | 0

#144268 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:09

LooooooooooooooooL!! Hilarious!
I wonder how much of that was intentional! ;p

By fleg | 9

#144269 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:10

seriously, these "FML"s sound more like they belong in some teeny-bopper mag under under a title like "My face was soooo red!!". the FML spirit is dying.

By thunderbrave | 0

#144271 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By schizmo | 0

#144276 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:13

dude, that's amazing. F HER life maybe but a high five for you my friend.

By PYLrulz | 17

#144278 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:14

This FML is worthless without pics....

Nah, since you said school, the girl is probably underaged (unless she is a Senior, and therefore, possibly 18), but that would totally suck if that happened, at least for her.

By LilKonvicted | 0

#144282 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:15

If she was hot, its sooo not FYL

If she was hideous... well then I guess its FYL

By youaresofucked | 0

#144284 - Sunday 26 April 2009 12:16

wouldve been an FML if you did that to your MUM instead!