Today, for some reason my girlfriend wanted to have sex in the bathroom at a family funeral. I’m sure that’s a sin, I mean… we definitely did it, so sorry Nana, but now I feel all wrong about it and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell one day. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
Today, my nana died today of a heart attack in her sleep. I’ll never know if there was something I could have done, because while it was happening I was upstairs with a dildo, as it’s been a month since I had sex and I had the urge. I feel so selfish and ashamed. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law freaked out my very religious fiancé by telling him fornication is gonna send him to hell, because when I was with them in January we had sex every day for a month and she's still mad about it. FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, my religious girlfriend convinced me to let her take my virginity. A few hours later, she broke up with me, crying and saying I was going to hell for having sex before marriage. But apparently she isn't, and she can't be with someone who "tempts" her. FML
Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML
Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 30
Or you'll just plain die at the end of your life and that will be that. Your girlfriend is ****** up, though. She's fun, but you might not think about a long-term commitment to her. It seems like she wanted to dominate you in front of your family, where getting caught would be much worse for you than her.
emmalou 19
you should share how you feel with her. but that's also normal reaction for grieving.
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Comments (5)
cuz803 44
Learn from your mistakes and repent. If you are genuinely sorry and you feel bad, your sins will be forgiven if you repent to God. All sins are forgiven by the benevolent Lord except one...the eternal sin (blasphemy against the Holy Spirit). side note: Other than being a necrophile, how the **** do you accomplish any form of arousal at a funeral...?
tiptoppc 19
Gramma must’ve been hawt!
RichardPencil 30
Or you'll just plain die at the end of your life and that will be that. Your girlfriend is ****** up, though. She's fun, but you might not think about a long-term commitment to her. It seems like she wanted to dominate you in front of your family, where getting caught would be much worse for you than her.
emmalou 19
you should share how you feel with her. but that's also normal reaction for grieving.
wrenavery90 12
You're fine. There is no hell.
IHaveThePower 16
Whatever divinity is out there is probably not even REMOTELY phased by two consenting people of appropriate age going and blowing off steam privately in a bathroom. Trust me. I've had ten years of Catechism and way too much theology. You're a hot dumpster fire right now, you're gonna do some weird shit, just keep it below the 'life-wrecking' threshold and you're fine. You'll make it out okay.