Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML
Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML
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Top comments
khaya 9
At least it wasn't during.
RecklessJellyBea 7
Women's intuition. Now the ultimate cockblock.
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Comments (213)
youngbuck10 9
Don't hate, **********!
gatorsfan100 1
Ooo ya! That's what my Friday nights consist of!!
youngbuck10 9
Haha, that's too funny.
macdaddymady 8
Yup, it happens to the best of us.
bizarre_ftw 22
I love the way this is phrased.
TipOfTheHat 10
I predict many more nights like this for you!
JadedJarOfHearts 3
Magic mama.
perdix 31
She probably texted her mom 5 minutes earlier with "the signal." She's playing you for the flowers and the dinners and the movies without having to put out. Pretty clever trick, huh?
every1luvsboners 11
She has the app on her phone to receive the fake phone call, just for awkward situations like this. She's probably at a bukake party laughing at you while she's taking DVDA from random guys for crack and heroin. Damnit Perdix, why you stealing my shit?
bizarre_ftw 22
He's not, you two are the same person, you just don't know it yet. Think the dream lord meets Siamese twins
perdix 31
Because great minds think alike . . . so do demented ones.
bizarre_ftw 22
I prefer the latter, when you have a demented mind the box is a washcloth
leadman1989 16
69
bizarre_ftw 22
*facepalm* I think I was just ******/raped by dumb luck >.<
leadman1989 16
I put more than that!!! My comment was. 69 - hahaha (I know I'm a child) That's a great way of putting it because I'm always writing things and thinking THERE'S NO WAY I CAN POST THIS!! (in refrence to you washcloth comment! That's not it exactly but I was basically agreeing with what you said. I think this is the FML crews idea of a cruel joke!
imaweiner00 5
the instinct of a mother never fails..
bizarre_ftw 22
Then how do you explain teen pregnancy?
NAU_future 7
Just because they have the instinct doesnt mean they act on it or pay attention to it.
bizarre_ftw 22
Wouldn't that technically equal failing?
tmrwisanotherday 1
No it's called life..
Edie84 0
Bummer :(
tmrwisanotherday 1
Don't ever go back, I think she tells her mom everything!!