Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom, demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a goddamn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML
Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
khaya 9
At least it wasn't during.
RecklessJellyBea 7
Women's intuition. Now the ultimate cockblock.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (213)
chuy282 0
That just happened to me last night but it was a girl I was trying to get it in for the longest.
Mayjay122 7
One day you'll look back at this and laugh.... Oooor maybe not.
vtranchitella14 3
God is a name. Capitalize it if you're going to take his name in vain, but nice usage of clairvoyant, very Dane Cook-esque!
sic_fml 6
The word "god" exists both in a noun form and a proper noun form. Some believe there is a God, Whose name is always capitalised for He supposedly wishes it so; then there are gods, of various cultures. Ignorance may be bliss, but it can be horribly misleading, too.
suxs4ulol 22
ninja mom!!!!!
elliotg14 0
She was stalking you guys all along
Danni91 8
Excellent word choice!!
zoedepas 0
Oh my god your life must be so difficult. Stfu
Bullheard 0
happins alot
amam96 7
She sounds like a god damn bitch. -.-
monkeyrocks 6
******* hell, go over there and slap the shit out of that bitch.