Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was delivering pizza in the torrential downpour, I waited 5 minutes in the pouring rain for an old lady to dig 20 bucks out of her purse. Her total was $19.99. She told me to keep the change and make lots of money. FML
Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML
Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML
Today, I was bitched out by a pizza delivery man. I didn't have the cash to pay him for a pizza I didn't even order. FML
Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML
Today, at my job as a waiter I sharted myself while taking an order. They tipped me $20 and wrote "for new underwear" on the receipt. FML
Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML
Today, after a long bike journey through heavy traffic in the pouring rain to deliver a coffee order, the coffee decided to fall out of the bottom of the now soggy paper bag I was carrying and land on the customer's floor. I cleaned it up with paper towels from the toilets. The delivery company didn't pay me. FML
Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML
Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML
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Top comments
Thabb 0
You should be honored, to rednecks that's a huge achievement.
Salvikidd 6
did you see his 16 year old wife?
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Comments (97)
chrisg2001 3
Just the tip lol
SnailJamsss 6
why does he have to be a redneck just because he was wearing camouflage boxers? grow up. anyone can wear those.
WhyCantIDoRight 5
95 - Finally someone who isn't so close-minded.
theFickleFinger 24
He doesn't have to be a redneck. Instead of listing all of his redneck qualities such as non-working cars, missing teeth, trailer for a home, the author used "redneck" as short hand. Grow up.
ashtree 12
At least he was wearing boxers.
Evilskunk 0
Awe i feel bad for you but it coulda been worse
lil_ham1644 29
Ok seriously, are you in Michigan? That sounds like my boyfriend's horribly redneck dad.