Intimacy: Technique

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22 - United States

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 206

You deserved it 31 155

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Same thing different taste

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 049

You deserved it 59 048

By lovely - 19/12/2011 06:43 - Netherlands

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 549

You deserved it 4 583

By StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 452

You deserved it 4 821

By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 22:19

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 267

You deserved it 2 570

Honest

By fml1977 - 04/03/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 367

You deserved it 8 000

By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 193

You deserved it 10 347

By Adam - 16/01/2017 08:00

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 740

You deserved it 987

Dirty talk

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 220

You deserved it 2 193

By tigger2013 - 03/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 864

You deserved it 5 676

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 946

You deserved it 12 716

lizliz07 0

Friday 11 December 2009 9:29

dead puppies? really? why would you answer like that!!!

schwinn11 0

Friday 11 December 2009 11:25

hahahaha, i cant believe that turned her off, i,ve tried flowers, chocalates, and even jewelry, but in my experience, dead puppies has always gotten women in the mood. maybe next time, to really get her in the mood start whispering "old man ball sack" in her ear over and over.

Comments

kims0706 10

Thursday 22 March 2012 4:23

Yea cuz dead puppies make everyone horny... Geez dude

BeefyMeaty 8

Wednesday 17 July 2013 6:14

Funniest thing I've heard all day : D

fmldenmark 9

Tuesday 8 October 2013 9:05

FYL. I can relate. Been there, done that.

sc3ptical 30

Thursday 31 October 2013 4:34

Sure, you can think of that all you want. But if you want to keep having sex don't tell her -.- YDI

Onyx3288 22

Tuesday 10 June 2014 22:56

Yes, men think of random stuff to last longer. But next time tell her ahead of time that you do this, so if it's been a certain amount of time she knows not to ask. Or to tell you stop thinking it because it would turn her on more that you think of her, than you lasting more. Lets just say it was one if those things I was glad my husband told me ahead of time.

solazylaa 2

Tuesday 31 March 2015 14:20

this is killing me... lololol

Thundernutz 15

Monday 6 November 2017 7:10

WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! AND HOW THE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

404wan 19

Sunday 28 October 2018 1:32

dont think of something horrible to last longer, you'll slowly condition yourself to get unwanted arousal when you encounter those things in real life.... or, even worse, eventually you wont be able to get it up without thinking about ****** up shit.... dont do this to yourself, just get her off orally beforehand!