Today, I was driving through a neighborhood and saw a "Slow down, children" sign. I was nice and slowed down as I passed a couple of little kids with their parents outside watching them. I guess I was going too slow because one of the fathers started chasing me down the street, calling me a pedophile. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML
Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML
Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML
Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled at me for driving recklessly. I was going 35 mph, and she was stopped in the middle of a road around a blind curve. My "reckless driving" was slamming on the brakes so I wouldn't hit her. FML
Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street, because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughter's ballet class, I got pulled over two blocks away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML
Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
null_fml 11
A woman got mistakenly called a pedophile? *wipes tear* We've made such progress in equality...
KJRx 0
lol @ #1. So slowing down because you don't want to hit children while driving, means you're a pedophile? wow. You should've just mauled some kid over. jk.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
iheartjustinsane 0
Then that guy belongs in a mental institution.
plexico 4
It wouldn't have been a problem if you hadn't slowed down to 3 mph, fondled your breasts and asked every little boy, "Got milk?" I'd find that nice, personally, but it might irritate some parents.
iheartjustinsane 0
Death wishes don't make you any better than dragonkiller. =)
Intoxicunt 6
Um, we really don't care what some anonymous person thinks. He shouldn't either, for that matter, but I felt like telling him. So I did. Maybe HE shouldn't have started freaking out on Witchcraft for her valid, reasonable comment. I personally do think I'm better than him. If you don't, that's your opinion. Oh hey... Dragon dude, GO DIE. There.
Witchcraft_fml 5
If you're a troll, you're at the bottom. So yes it does :)
iheartjustinsane 0
I wasn't going on either sides of the argument. Infact, I thought what dragonkiller said was uncalled for and immature. But I was just saying that so are death wishes. And yes, it's my opinion, and I have the right to say it. If you don't like it, too bad.
Squirrellord911 0
quick back up!
Gir711 0
I agree with #60. Say you didn't see him. Not your fault he was chasing a car.
Suj 0
OT I'll be honest, I'd of goten out of the car, and politely asked that guy if he can read, when he looks at you confused and says "YES OF COURSE I CAN F****** READ YOU F****** ****** *** ** *" you calmly ask him to turn around, and read the sing, while he's doing that, calling himself a "F****** Idiot" under his breath and walking away all embarrassed, you step back into your car, and drive away... you can laugh about it later to all your friends XD.
puddinpowder 0
wow, quite possibly the best FmyLife yet. Congrats?
glock17wielder 0
Great. You have neighborhoods where people shoot paintballs at you for driving too fast and now you have neighborhoods where people run you out for driving too slowly. If I were you, I'd have done a nice, long burnout and left those self-righteous bastards eat rubber smoke.
blastvortex 4
No good deed goes unpunished, you know. =p Coincidentally, considering that he's a paranoid father having dirty thoughts about his own kids... it kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?
galad2003 0
Thats what I was thinking.
ScaryPants3 0
Well I guess it's understandable if you were like, watching them as you drove by slowly. But otherwise, I like #72's view.
Bumlove89 0
yeah kill the kids too while you're at it... *sarcasm ends*