Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML
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Top comments
truslide 0
LMAO must have been a hard kick to do that and even then, why the hell would you kick a cat that hard?
uhmfml 0
I don't think your child will be crawling in your bed anymore for a while... if ever.
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Comments (1184)
monicamischief 0
hey @504 the op didn't KNOW THAT IT WAS A CHILD so yes, it WAS AN ACCIDENT. the op would have not nudged the child off the bed if the OP woudl have known that it was a child. the op was half a ******* sleep. didn't know. which means it was an accident do most of you even have functioning brains?
thuryn 2
@monicamischief: Of course not. They read the OP, make a bunch of assumptions, scroll to the bottom, and mouth off. It's the Internet. That's what the Internet does. ;)
razzumfrazzum 0
Thats ****** hilarious :D Sad for the kid though, but she won't remember it anyway. Everybody yelling animal abuser and to call the cops is obviously retarded. The animal abuser fans are also hypocrites.....you've all killed a couple bugs in your lives so STFU cuz you didn't respect that bug's rights now did you? /-) I don't like cats anyway so it makes no difference to me. Thank you 495, 494, 493, and 491 for thinking logically.
kingbeau 0
#491 Nice try! But I tried posting that several times too, but they just don't read any of the comments except the first 3-5, see that those confirm their worst fears (who knows why the first thing they ALL see is a baby flying across a room and splattering against a wall? Secret desires I expect....), and whip down to the bottom of the page to comment. You can say **** **** **** **** ****-a-didly-******* do, ****-a-day, ****-a-do, ****-a-duck-with-a-hockey-puck, all day long and they still won't listen....
flipflopsssxo 1
i don't think this person meant kick as in KICK but more like push off the bed with your foot. I do that with my cat. Two year olds are a lot less agile than cats.
thuryn 2
Anybody else notice the comment numbers changing constantly? Comments are obviously getting deleted, because #487 agrees with #491. 487 CAN SEE THE FUTURE!
mannyandmo40 0
Ur a freaking animal abuser and child abuser!! U should be ashamed of urself!!
monicamischief 0
HEY 505, YOU NEED TO THINK THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE. THE OP DID NOT PUNT THE CAT OR CHILD ACROSS THE ROOM. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. NUDGING A CAT OFF THE BED IS NOT ABUSE.
compiii 0
strong leg you got there.LOL
cmh0202 0
Epic fail