Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream... - FML

By time to buy a gun - 2/11/2015 04:22 - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23912

You deserved it

1675

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Social distancing gone wrong

Workaholic

By Rob - 7/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4646

You deserved it

351

Tweet

Share

By Peter - 11/5/2019 14:00

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4820

You deserved it

282

Tweet

Share

By ex-wife - 25/5/2018 09:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4482

You deserved it

270

Tweet

Share

By katara - 2/7/2010 23:53 - United States

Busted

Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, "Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn't like her?" It wasn't my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9968

You deserved it

57305

Tweet

Share

By iliterallypoopedmyself - 19/1/2012 01:54 - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30666

You deserved it

3844

Tweet

Share

By Traumatized - 5/3/2011 19:57 - Israel

Today, my coworker returned the camera I lent her. After plugging the camera into my PC, I saw a file was still on it. Wanting to make sure I didn't delete something important, I opened it. To my horror, it was a video of my coworker pleasuring herself. She's old enough to be my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46936

You deserved it

6040

Tweet

Share

By failure as a parent - 11/5/2013 21:19 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54307

You deserved it

6261

Tweet

Share

By Craptastic - 15/9/2018 15:00

Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2728

You deserved it

611

Tweet

Share

By Username - 12/3/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51003

You deserved it

8298

Tweet

Share

By Sarah - 25/8/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71471

You deserved it

10370

Tweet

Share

By BriSwag4321 - 21/9/2018 05:00

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my girlfriend's father. He screenshotted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1341

You deserved it

2810

Tweet

Share

By - 5/2/2017 13:00 - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7308

You deserved it

1091

Tweet

Share

By Monkey253100 - 3/6/2012 14:47 - France

Today, I decided to be healthy and go for a run. I broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31292

You deserved it

4077

Tweet

Share

By NotThatKind - 24/8/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24572

You deserved it

42320

Tweet

Share

By mizzy - 19/11/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32259

You deserved it

8723

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/7/2012 04:25 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27053

You deserved it

3796

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 09:50 - United States

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27461

You deserved it

8434

Tweet

Share

By Duchess - 20/1/2017 12:00

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7375

You deserved it

692

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/1/2012 14:07 - Canada

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31562

You deserved it

4949

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 04:37 - United States

Today, I had two 100's and two singles in my wallet. The two 100's was for my electric bill and the two singles were for the bus. Once I got off the bus and to the electric company, I noticed only my singles were there. Turns out I paid the bus driver $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18011

You deserved it

40301

Tweet

Share

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21693

You deserved it

2182

Tweet

Share

By Betty - 17/3/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went in for a doctors appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26386

You deserved it

9244

Tweet

Share

By whyarewerelated - 8/9/2011 15:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25995

You deserved it

2839

Tweet

Share

By deuceaddict - 3/11/2017 21:00

Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3638

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2009 09:38 - United States

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43470

You deserved it

9382

Tweet

Share

By haayloo - 19/10/2010 02:40 - Canada

Today, I had just finished re-completing all my assignments because I had lost my USB last week. I reached into my pocket for gum, instead I found the USB that I had apparently lost. I spent my weekend alone rather than spending time with my friends. I don't have another weekend off for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13220

You deserved it

29090

Tweet

Share

By Semius - 8/5/2019 05:00

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1993

You deserved it

109

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32120

You deserved it

7934

Tweet

Share

By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00

Cursed lake

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1467

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By sad fat drunk - 25/5/2020 05:00

Boozehound

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1077

You deserved it

413

Tweet

Share

By arghh - 29/9/2009 09:43 - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36658

You deserved it

5484

Tweet

Share

By WhyAppleWhy - 1/9/2012 23:14 - United States - Sarasota

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22481

You deserved it

52532

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 10:41 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28102

You deserved it

1901

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/3/2012 10:53 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a man on the subway serenaded me. That's not the issue. He was cross-eyed, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9265

You deserved it

30132

Tweet

Share

By SaraSkyWolf - 17/10/2018 22:00

Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2748

You deserved it

1237

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/3/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26648

You deserved it

13587

Tweet

Share

By kady - 4/1/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34837

You deserved it

6608

Tweet

Share

By typical - 13/4/2013 23:49 - United States - Cheshire

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48131

You deserved it

4143

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/4/2019 18:00

Today, I still can't get my ex out of my house. It's been a year and he, "refuses to give up on something special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2029

You deserved it

541

Tweet

Share

By Cheer4Life - 11/11/2013 21:41 - United States - Bloomington

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46049

You deserved it

10149

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By AlysoninAlaska | 19

#6451169 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:29

It's okay, guard kitty is on the case!

By thatonetribute | 31

#6451166 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:26

This is how all the horror movies start!

COMMENTS

By thatonetribute | 31

#6451166 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:26

This is how all the horror movies start!

Reply

saidaswear | 20

#6451218 - Monday 2 November 2015 15:49

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

chrisbeaudoin | 26

#6451229 - Monday 2 November 2015 16:08

The conjuring starts with a dog being killed

By Zaneal | 8

#6451167 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:29

Time to invest in some better security to. Is anything stolen?

Reply

MELKOZAR | 27

#6451186 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:58

Why are the good positive comments always thumbed down like this one? Then the dumb ones are thumbed up.

Reply

escapingreality | 19

#6451263 - Monday 2 November 2015 17:19

#10 its because it was the corner of the screen...meaning an animal...no one got in so #2 comment is unfounded and makes absolutely no sense...that's why

Reply

the_real_dvd | 21

#6451270 - Monday 2 November 2015 17:29

Corner of the screen... Next to the door.. supposing someone could reach their hands around to the locks. If OP was certain it was an animal his name probably wouldn't be time to buy a gun.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6451299 - Monday 2 November 2015 18:22

But the screen was busted 'out' meaning something left his house via the screen corner...

Reply

megamonster99 | 18

#6452898 - Wednesday 4 November 2015 7:33

#2spooky4me

By dying_to_know | 25

#6451168 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:29

I don't think a gun is going to solve your problem this time. XD

By AlysoninAlaska | 19

#6451169 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:29

It's okay, guard kitty is on the case!

By Zufallian | 34

#6451173 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:31

Maybe it was just another animal trying to get to your cat. But try to invest in some security maybe, better safe than sorry.

By Eyeslick | 33

#6451175 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:34

The question is how big is the hole in the busted screen....cat sized? Cougar sized? Burglar sized?

Reply

PurpleMyth | 28

#6451261 - Monday 2 November 2015 17:10

Demonic rape bear sized?

Reply

symboic | 13

#6451473 - Monday 2 November 2015 22:14

Op said it was in the corner so I'm assuming probably a small or medium rodent

Reply

LyricaSilvan | 29

#6451590 - Monday 2 November 2015 23:40

I highly doubt a cat would react that way to a rodent...Cats don't puff up and growl over things they can easily hunt.

By APHPrussia | 19

#6451177 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:37

Hope you can find it OP! FYL

By stryder9090 | 28

#6451178 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:37

Aliens

By daz18m | 15

#6451180 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:43

Another cat burglar.

By booman342 | 13

#6451187 - Monday 2 November 2015 14:58

Whatever you do, don't go outside by yourself without a flashlight to find it. ESPECIALLY don't go near a lake.