Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML
Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML
Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML
Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML
Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
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Top comments
nonsensical 26
"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.
spamhands1 18
That is not nice, your better off without him
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Comments (114)
CarouselHeart 11
What a ballsack. YLS.
ipodn1 1
I'll go out you :)
Omniprism 15
Sounds like he's a big ass jerk and saved you from him. He may be dreamy but it's sounds like he doesn't have a great personality to match.
vikky538 29
Provide him some marinara sauce and make sure he eats. What a scum bag.
nightfall8705 33
Offer him some fava beans and a nice Chianti to go with those marbles. You're better off without him. No good man would say such a horrible thing to a lady.
DaRito 25
Smooth on his part, he definitely likes you.
Daevas 18
Don't worry, most of us men wish we could reach down there...
Tannasgh 22
Not nice...he will end up ugly, drunk, in a greasy wife beater tee shirt wishin' he'd been nicer in 20 years.
ApplePie1994 27
That's when you fulfil his wishes by ripping them off (without anaesthetic) and shove them down his throat.
mustanghp 3
I'll take you out on a date