Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML
Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML
Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML
Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML
Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
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Top comments
nonsensical 26
"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.
spamhands1 18
That is not nice, your better off without him
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Comments (114)
lbguitarist 7
Dodged a bullet? Dodged a missile, I'd say. OP's better off eithout that asshole.
GirasolNegro 22
Sounds more like a nightmare than a dream to me!!
iLOVEbbs78138 3
Wow, sounds like the modern day Prince Charming..
cosmicdancer84 7
He can Derelict his own balls.
WhoCouldIBe 11
Maybe he's gay? Or go with the 1st top comment's advice
thebakingseal 22
You deserve someone better. Don’t worry, there’ll be someone out there who treats you right!
Honeyholic5 14
Ouch.. But I suppose the man of your dreams wouldn't say stuff like that.
Ricky27753 6
Lucky I wish the girl of my dreams asked me or ?
stratfordbaby94 4
What an asshole
nastya_nastenka 16
He sounds mindblowing >